Occupation of the Book

The Cantaloupe

I we shall make this a yearly tradition or something. I like yearly traditions. I feel not nearly enough of the people who read this know the real Trevor and well I'd like to fill you in on that. I'd like to show you my diary.

DEAR DIARY
I got a new job today at some company called Westalphobiatron. It's a pretty sweet company. They've got so many benefits, health, dental, emotional, you name it they have it. I'm starting right at the very bottom of the food chain. I get to do whatever it is that I do. I'm sure someone will tell me. I had this "training" session yesterday and they just kept rambeling on about something or other. Give this person this and give that person that. There's not really much reason to know what I'm doing at this position, because I'll be so good at it that I'll easily move up. In fact, we all know soon I'm going to be making $21 an hour. Not this measily $9. But I really don't have to worry about that. I think this training guy (I believe his name was Frank) was talking too much. Doesn't he know I have thinks to think about? I can't just think about work all the time he should know. Well at least not the work that he wants me to do. Make copies, file reports. Whatever. I won't be doing it for long, so whatever.

DEAR DIARY
I've been on the job for a week now and it's been going swimmingly. I think my boss has noticed my potential. Certainly he has had to by now. He yelled at me once for some reason, something about "report being due". He knows by now that's below me. I keep thinking about the big office I'll have. How it looks out on the downtown core. Seeing all the little people walking below through my huge windows. Remembering how I used to be one of those little meaningless people. Not anymore I'm not. It's really just a matter of days until I get that office. Daydreaming makes the day go faster I always say, but really why do I need to make the day faster? It's about as good as it gets really. How could it get any better?

DEAR DIARY
It's been three weeks at my new job and they still haven't promoted me. Since it's April I've kind of assumed maybe this is some April's Fool joke or something like that. Today for example my boss called me into his office and he was telling me about how I wasn't doing my job or something like that. Dude, is there a hidden camera in here? I'm not fooled. We both know I'm going to be a difference maker for this company and I'm going to get started on it. Very shortly everyone will know the name of Westalphobiatron. Everyone will know what great things the company does. Wait, what does the company do? I suppose I'll have to look that up once I'm in charge as C.E.O. here. Then I'll get to be the one pulling pranks like this. It's really funny, because the cheque I got later in the day by the company was still the same salary I started at. Obviously they made some sort of mistake there, because who's heard of a promotion without a raise in salary. That's just ridiculous! I wonder, should I take my wife out for dinner to celebrate or should we stay in. I mean there are big things in my future. My boss is going on vacation in a couple of days, and when he leaves, I know who's going to take over his job and not give it back. That's right! Me.

DEAR DIARY
The boss called me into the office again today and he finally acknowledged my excellence. He had one final thing to do before he went on vacation. I knew what it was going to be. Again he rambled on for a little bit before he got to the point, but I wasn't listening. I could just see my picture on the cover of Time Magazine after I put Westalphobia on the map. I'll be one of the hundred or so richest men in the world. People will come from far and near to hear my give business advice. Yes, I'll be wise and sage. I'll always be a dreamer though, one step ahead of the game. It was about this point that my boss concluded by handing me this pink note of paper. He was saying something about "regret to inform you" or whatever. Well I already knew that. It's always hard to give up your job to someone else. I mean he's practically firing himself by handing his job over to me. Boy is he ever done. When he left, I took the liberty of removing all of his stuff from his office and replacing it with my own. I spent four hours looking in the mirror in the corner giving myself trademark looks. I'll have to have one when I'm famous. In fact, it'll be that look that makes me famous. Who can say no to a debenaire young go-getter like myself? Now really, it's hard.

DEAR DIARY
I picked up the paper this morning to find my picture in on the front page. Oh wait, that's not me, that's Tom Hanks. Well work today was fairly eventful. My ex-boss came back from his vacation and boy was he upset that I had taken his job and moved all of his stuff out. Well I'd be upset too if that happened to me. He was saying something about security and I wanted to say the same thing honestly. That way the person who is in charge can be identified. When the security arrived I told them to throw my ex-boss out and he got mad, because he says I should be thrown out. Yeah right, buddy, I'm the future of this company. At this point, I begun to feel frightened for some reason. What if my ex-boss was vengeful and he wanted to take action against me? The security might not be able to stop him. He could have a stapler and maybe a nail file or something else incredibly dangerous. So I did what any sensible person would do. I took out my shotgun. Well the look on everyone's face was priceless. Now who was terrified? That's right! He was. But why did the security guys look so scared? They knew what I was doing and why I was doing it, didn't they? Can they not handle the pressure of their job? Well I decided right then and there that I couldn't be president of this company that hires useless security guards that are afraid of credible people holding shotguns. "I quit", I said, and proceeded to take my stuff and go. Well, I'm unemployed, but not for long. It took a lot of courage to leave that company. Hmmm...a policeman is coming to my door. Probably to hear how I heroically defended myself, well diary I'll write back when I can. I'm sure I'll get a medal of honor or something.

Tomorrow and the Wildebeast

I didn't ask you a question last time and I think I might regret it if I didn't ask a question this time. I like questions. They're awesome so I'll do it. Here we go..."Why did I call this 'The Cantaloupe'? What's the larger story behind it? Is it a government conspiracy perhaps? Use your imagination."Remember that previous issues will eventually be posted completely at http://thecantaloupe.blogspot.com and you will be able to read them all.

Trevor YVR Plett

(Apparantly I end up in jail a lot in these "Diary" issues. Well two of the three issues. By now I know the jail system quite well. If only I could learn to stop thinking so far ahead of myself. It'd be healthier I think, don't you? You don't? Why not?)