The Cantaloupe is Either Dead or Dying

The Cantaloupe

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*RANDOM GARBLED NONSENSE*

Sorry that I'm not funnier, but you can criticize me for it later, okay?

The Cantaloupe is Either Dead Or Dying

I'm sorry to inform you all that The Cantaloupe cannot last forever. The only way that would be possible is if my descendants all kept writing it and passing it on until the Earth collasped and whatever, but I'm sorry. No descendant of mine is doing that. My descendants will do much cooler things like ride hover bikes and rip apart lampposts with their bare hands.
That means I and I alone can decide when and where the Cantaloupe's final resting place is. Yes, I realize there is no way I am going to make you believe me when I tell you this on the actual April Fool's Day, but I figured it would be a fitting end.
So effective immediately I am going to release a limited number of issues and then I shall close out the Cantaloupe forever. Call it a farewell tour or a pygmy armadillo or something. Either way it is going to be happened and the one thing I'm not doing right now is kidding. I might be misleading you, but I'm not kidding. I really am quitting. That is not changing.
Yerov the hard-working Russian farmer knows what this feeling is like. He knows the pain of leaving a job doing sheep-shearing. He'd feel a kinship with that sheep that he never had felt before. Then he'd sheer off all of it's hair and the sheep would look ugly. Well that's what your life will be like without the joy of reading my wonderful material. You're doomed.Thank you for all your support.
Only 1134 issues to go and I'll be out the door.

Trevor YVR Plett

(I'm not going to say April Fool's because you knew what I was doing all along. I hope you did. I foreshadowed the fact that I'd be sending this in my last issue on not believing people. But I am telling the truth. The sad and obvious truth. But the real April Fool's joke is that I won't last nearly that many issues. And remember, I told you I wasn't funny before. Why didn't you believe me)