The Omission Mission

The Cantaloupe

Oooohhh! It's time to write again. And smile again. I mean there's not nearly enough smiles around here. I do know that much. A whole bunch of things happened since I wrote you last, but it's a little hard to remember what they are. You see my brain doesn't function properly right now. Or perhaps it does. It's tough to say with such a misfunctioning brain. They seem to get like that some times, or maybe they don't. Because your brain doesn't function? No, because of the Americans.

Bam! And There it Goes

Speaking of America, there was a major event in America that happened as of late. A so-called "super" event of some sort was played. (By the way, remember what I said last year about Super Bowl picks which was pick the team with the tougher nickname. A steelworker versus a bird? Who would have thought that?) A lot of folks watched this super event, entitled the Super Bowl. However it's still a roughly American (and Canadian) event. Who watches it outside North America unless they are a transplanted North American? Anyone? The numbers there are about the same as the number of readers I have outside North America. But let's get back to the Super Bowl. Can you imagine some guy in some poor village watching in his loin cloth? I can. Here's what it would look like...
Two guys are sitting on the floor, staring intently on the television screen. Actually there's a couple of dudes there, drinking some sort of beverage and eating dried cow pancreas snacks. They are sitting at the edge of the floor (as in they're excited, in case you didn't get the edge of their seats reference. Their seats are the floor you see. It's a joke. You know. One of those things they tell to make you laugh. You still don't get it. Well fine a joke is often a play on something usual by changing it to make out something you wouldn't expect. That's why you laugh. I don't know exactly why. It's natural from the day you are born I suppose)So where was I? Oh yes, some guys in the room are wearing black and gold loin cloths, the others are wearing some sort of icky metallic blue-green loin cloths. At various points, the groups seperated by color cheer wildly and pound their chest and raise a spear above their heads in joy or else yell some tribal curse and throw their spears at the television. At one point one of the yellow and black loin cloths after cheering tells his buddy, "Look at that razzle dazzle touchdown Hines Ward just scored. The last time I saw something like that was when we ran the triple reverse to spear that wild boar." Finally there was a point when it appeared the game had ended and one of the yellow and gold loin cloths (who was waving a yellow spear of course) shouted at one of the green-blue loin cloths, "Ha! Steelers win! You owe me your second daughter in marriage!"
So that's what it would look like. But of course the Super Bowl is only as popular as the Cantaloupe. In fact I should use that as my tagline. AS POPULAR AS THE SUPER BOWL (In Nairobi)! Yay! Now there's something to boost the ego.

From the area where I have expertise

So back the other day I seem to have misplaced my backpack. Early in the day I had been carrying that backpack and then later in the day it was gone from the place I had put it. Could I not find it? Did somebody else take it? Well there's one thing we all know about it, the backpack couldn't simply have wandered off on it's own...or could it. That's in fact my belief. I've always thought I had a special backpack and all, but never did I know my backpack could walk and even talk. It's amazing isn't it. Yeah, because of this I've given my backpack a special name, you know after that person that walks and then talks. You know the one right? Natalie Portman? Yeah, that's the one. So yeah Portman (the backpack) just decided to vanish one day, but we all know it had the good reasons to do so. Obviously someone in the Brentwood area was in some sort of danger...
(Cut to man looking out his window)
"HEY! Stop jumping on that dang trampoline! HONEY! There's a backpack in our yard again!"
"Well, do what you always do and chase it off"
"But it always bites me"
"Are you a man or a baby"
"HEY! Now he's egging our house! Get out of here ya rotten backpack"
(Back to my random topic)
...it's a kind backpack. Clearly it had to protect the innocent and kind. Portman's always been kind and trustworthy. Either way, after a couple days of being worried I figured out that Portman was in the place I left her. So there's that problem. Moral of the story is not simply that my memory is terrible, but also that unlike a regular backpack or a regular person, my backpack walks and talks. The only person else who walks or talks like that is clearly Natalie Portman.
Oh yeah just so you all know the context here, I did lose my backpack (because my backpack walks AND talks) and didn't know where it was (because it had walked away) and then found it where I left it (thus I'm smart).

The Tenth Cennial Centennial

Overall I think it's been a good week for those who love the good side. I don't really know why, but it has. On Saturday I reffed the WORST basketball game ever. There wasn't any scoring in the first five minutes. One team had back hog boy tossing the ball up time and time again even when he had open teammate (which was understandable, because any time he did pass them the ball, they'd screw up), but it was comical how bad they were. You know like those bad movies that is so bad it makes you laugh. That's that game. One of the boys came up and told me "this is a bad game, isn't it?" and I said, "Yeah".
My point of course is that I hope this issue is so bad that it makes you laugh too. Because if it's just regular type bad it would be terrible and I don't want to write terrible things. When can you expect me to write again? Who knows? But I do know one thing, I am going to host a party of sorts on a night of sorts coming up. A BOOK RELEASE PARTY!! I like those sorts of things. When shall this night of awesomeness occur? Get ready for my advertisement...In 3...2....1....

Go

On Saturday February 25 I am having what is called a book release party. Why? Because on that day I am releasing for sale my SECOND book, "Oh Look, My Pants are on Fire". Come buy a copy and get it signed by the author, me. Or maybe you don't want a book, come hang out anyways. If you don't own the first book, "Seedfilled Goodness", I am offering a deal on the both of them. But this I do need to know. I am only going to print books out for the people who tell me they are going to buy them. So if you want one, tell me you are coming and getting one. Thanks, that's enough capitalism for today.

Trevor YVR Plett

(Can someone please explain to me how a CD released in 2004 can be the best album of 2006? Just wondering for example, because sometime people make me laugh. I guess I'm a hypocrite because if I had been voting for the Grammys I would have given best album to The Beatles'. They had a darn good CD come out back in the day.)