Long List Of Gripes

The Cantaloupe

Now many of you may not know this about me, but I really enjoy the college basketball. I like the "March Madness". This I cannot deny. It's in "100 Things I Like". Well let me tell you about this really cool game (and you can thank my sister-in-law for this). It was between the Pittsburgh University Panthers and Bradley University Braves. Of course to put on the scoreboard they had to shortened Bradley to "Brad" on the top and Pittsburgh to "Pitt" on the bottom. So what I'm trying to say is many actors shorten their names these years. Bradley Pittsburgh is one of them. On the other side, many celebrities should shorten their names. Owen Wilson is too long. Ow Wil should suffice. Natalie Portman? Nat Po. Our society is filled with words that take more time than they need to say. Clearly we need machines to talk for us. Thus we can be more lazy.

Backtrack Stack

Remember when I made "100 Things I Like". Many of you probably don't because you haven't received this newsletter long enough. What you need to know is it showed I have a variety of interests and a serious side. Well today I've decided to show you I have equal hatred and I'm not serious. So without further ado, it's 100 Things I Hate
1) Cancer-Why do you have to kill so many people?
2) Getting hit in the head with a 2 x 4
3) When your father forgets your name
4) That dream where you're falling, but at the last minute you get saved by a magic carpet except that the magic carpet flies into a cliff and you get devoured by ravenous chimpanzees.
5) Stores that don't sell ice cream
6) People who make long lists about random junk- Seriously, who wants to read your Top Ten things I did today. Gosh!
7) People who are overly pessimistic
8) People who can't count
26) That feeling you get when you're reading something and then there's something important missing and you don't know what it is
27) See number 14
28) Dingos stealing my baby- I had ten babies and now I have eight!
29) Going to McDonald's and ordering a Royale with Cheese only to realize the fourteen year old employee has never seen Pulp Fiction and probably never well- Fine then, I suppose you've never been to France now have you?
30) 7:32 a.m
31) People who don't take advantage of commercial oppertunites- Why can't we have another three Lord of the Rings movies??
32) Cuddly bunnies- Seriously, what's worse than have this furry ball in your lap giving you those pretty eyes and then sweetly bouncing around? Can you imagine anything?
33) People who don't take responsibility for their actions- Just admit it. You messed it. How hard is that?
34) Hypocrites
35) Everyone who blames me- I know I just spilled sulphuric acid on your lap. It's not my fault. You bumped me and my hand slipped into my backpack, unscrewed the cap and poured the acid on you. I think that's your fault.
36) Pretending you're an astronaut and then realizing that your pretend space ship has a pretend crack in the hull that will cause you to pretend you're burning up on re-entry.
37) Words that don't rhyme with "ointment"
38) Aliens that don't give you a lollipop when they're through with you- Dentists do, why should aliens be any different?
39) The fact that female sperm whales aren't called "Egg Whales"
40) Getting hit in the hit by a 2 x 6
42) When my girlfriend tells me I need to burrow to the center of the Earth or else it's over- It was hard Melissa! It's hot down there and this horned red guy with a pitchfork kept jabbing me. But at least I got to keep the girl.
43) Men- They're so unattractive. What's the point having them around?
44) Dying- I thought I'd try it once, but it's not that great. Far too overrated.
45) Realizing you'd been walking on your hands all day- You get far too many blisters this way.
46) Hidden meanings, especially on a list number thirty-two- Why would you put hidden meanings in things? Seriously? For what purpose?
47) People who scroll back and try and find the hidden meaning
48) Misleading people- Some people make others think there is hidden meaning in something there clearly is not. Or is there?
49) Cannibals who don't wash your hands before they eat you- Cleanliness people!
50) Finally, I hate when people advertise something bigger than it really is- Like if something is only fifty, you don't need to tell me it's a whole hundred.

You Look Impressed

I'm going to give you a question of the day or week now so you're going to have to honestly answer me this:
"If you were trapped on a deserted island with nothing, would you rather have a bag of laundry detergent or a spatula and why?"

Tomorrow is the First Day of the Revolution

If you hate things as much as me, you should always kick them. Kicking solves a lot of life's problems. Think about a football game. If you're down three points, you just kick the ball through the goalposts and tie it up. Think about starting to ride a bike. You have to kick the stand so you can move. Kicking does so much for everyone. You can't argue with it. So the Love of Kicking Revolution has begun. Do you want to be alive and kicking or dead and not kicking? C'mon. You know you want to.

Trevor YVR Plett

(Oh yes, I hate subtitles with a passion. If you're going to say something, come out and say it. Don't stick it at the bottom of the screen where only sissies look. Seriously, jerks, use some common sense. I don't want to read some junk at the bottom in smaller print, so don't insult me in that way. Insult me in other ways like calling me a "scumbag" and stuff like that. I can take that, but I can't take subtitles. Stop it, please!)