Community Of Peace and Love

The Cantaloupe

Okay folks, the year is 2006. All you know about it is that there has been a little bit of it. It's unknown. You think, "This is the year everything changes for the better". But you should know better, because you say that every year. It doesn't change for the better, silly, it changes for the worst. Don't you know that every time you say "I'm going to lose weight" it really means you'll gain one hundred and fifty pounds. And now you can just say that I'm a pessimist, but maybe you should heed my advice and plan to gain a hundred and fifty pounds if you know what I mean. That way you'll lose that much weight instead. I know my ideal weight is around twenty pounds, how about yours?

The Missed Holiday

Well it passed for another year with nobody caring about the Cantaloupe's birthday. Yes, it was last Thursday (January 4th). It turned two. Thanks everyone. Thanks a lot. Now I did get one e-mail entitled "Happy Birthday to the Cantelope". And it's only because this person overheard my lament. Here's the message I got was "Soory, it's belated". Well all I know is this is clearly no friend of the Cantaloupe's. Not only did they spell the name wrong, but they didn't even really apologize. All they said was "soory". However since this is the only one the Cantaloupe got, it must mean this is in fact the best friend of the Cantaloupe. Oh well, I guess that's what it gets for being an inanimate thing, no respect. If it had feelings, it'd be hurt and embarassed and hurt some more.

Holiday Traditions

Yes, the season is basically over, but it's still fairly fresh in our minds. Christmas is a truly wonderful time, because people are more friendly and generous (for the most part). It's great because even through the New Year people are nice to each other. Everybody from accountants to common theives will help others in need. However once the season in forgotten, people change. Now I ask, it is truly generosity to give to someone then in a couple weeks, take it back? Yes, I am talking to the common theives. But why the difference in behavior? It's as if there were a behavior traffic light that is green for mean most of the year and then at the beginning of December turns to yellow and then red to stop the meanness. Then a few days into January, turns back green. Why do you think that is? Is it the realization of what Christmas is all about that changes people or it is all the eggnog they drink. Perhaps it is the fact that people don't work. However my guess is that people really are nice around Christmastime, because of Santa Claus. For most of the year, you forget about him. You don't have to be good, because you forget that he gives presents to the "nice". Then all of a sudden you sing "he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake" and you realize that if you don't make up for eleven months of badness you won't get any presents. Now what I have always wondered is why Santa is actually fooled by this behavior. Why doesn't he realize it? Well I guess he hibernates most of the year. He looks a lot like a bear anyways doesn't he?

The Common Misconception

People nowadays are quite down on the arts and society as a whole. There isn't a lot of new ideas they say. People take other people's things and call it their own. Well this might be true on a lot of levels, but it certainly isn't when it comes to kids. You see, while music is a lot the same, when people go to have kids, they come up with things that are completely unique. Based on what people do with other things, adoption really should be more common than giving birth to something yourself. I mean it's not a lot of work or pain either. You just grab a kid and go. Unlike creating a child. There's a lot of things that go together to do that. First you (Editor's note- We had some technical difficulties. I'm sorry, but we accidently lost some of this article. Oops). Then after many hard months and hours, you have a child that you created yourself. If you adopt you skip all that hard work. Also if you adopt you get to pick the cream of the crop if you want. A lot of adopted kids already have names so that makes it easier as well. But do people adopt more than they give birth? No! So how can you claim the we don't come up with new things, because we can't put the effort in? Don't give me all this logistical nonsense, I'm sure it's possible to adopt a kid who has never been given birth to.

Often Rarely

The year has begun and I want to make the most of it. Can my resolution be to put out the best Cantaloupes I can? Maybe they shall and maybe it will be the best year. The Simpsons season three was better than one and two and perhaps was the best season ever. Can I duplicate that success or have I jumped the shark? Let's certainly hope not.

Trevor YVR Plett

(2006 reasons to read the Cantaloupe this year. One- What else are you going to read? Two- Subtitles, we have them. Three- Melons are fantastic. Four- Unicorns and fairies have been known to read The Cantaloupe. Five- I make up reasons that aren't really true. Six- I comment on my reasons. Seven- I have lists that the numbers are completely in the correct order. Nine- I lie. Eight- Things go on much longer than they should. Fifteen Million- Wait! Wasn't this list just supposed to go to 2006?...)