Made From Recycled Material

The Cantaloupe

Is it just me or has it been really warm outside as of late? Does anybody notice the only cold season we have left is the summer? It's a bit confusing I must say. I also remember writing in March about how all it did in Calgary winter was NOT snow and it proceeded to snow directly after that. Either way I don't mind a little bit of snow so whatever. Not that I remember what snow is or anything. Global warming? Perhaps. However a more likely theory is that our thermomaters and bodies have simply began to feel more heat than usual. Anyone? Maybe? Couldn't it be true? No. Okay. Either way, what I can do is bring back another one of my old school reoccuring characters that you haven't seen for while. Maybe I'll bring back more. But yeah, that's what this issue will be all about.Also for those of you who wonder why I'd write something like this now, when it just snowed, yes I did write this before it snowed. And I don't check weather reports. Thank you very much. Back to the reoccuring characters.

The Town Of Cantelot Is Taken!

When we left the story of SirVR in the town of Cantelot a great storm had solved the problem of the littering dragon Retwinkle. The villagers had finally regrown their left legs. Everything was peaceful and calm. They hadn't seen either Retwinkle or McFrancination (the insider trading dragon) for a couple of months actually. The noble SirVR was getting bored with all the lack of problems going on. There wasn't even enough corruption to get him good pay. Then one day when he went to look from the tallest hill in the village he noticed a band of unruly barbarians headed for the town. "Hmmmm", he said, "that's not something you see every day". He then proceeded to take his usual afternoon nap. He was awakened by a loud commotion taking place outside. Assuming it was mearly some poor citizen being beaten and robbed he thought to himself, "That's hardly worth my time, the people in this town don't pay very well." So he went about. Later that day we went outside and there was nobody left in the streets. It was deathly quiet except the crackle of flames coming from two or three buildings. SirVR was a little astonished. He looked around town and he found markings on the buildings. "It's the Vandoths", he exclaimed! The Vandoths were a terrible people, known for sacking villages, stealing all their people and then at some point, telling those people innappropriate jokes. Many of these jokes weren't even funny. SirVR was sad for the people of the town. They'd never again see their homes or anything. Then he had an awful thought, "If there's no people, who's going to bribe me to look the other way!" That settled it. SirVR would courageously ride out in search of the Vandoths and engage them. So he mounted his trusted ostrich and beemed with confidence. After riding for a couple days he encountered something strange. There was a unicorn in the woods. Rumor had it that if you caught in unicorn in those times you would live for Ever. Ever was this really cool guy who made playing cards of all the best knights and SirVR knew that if he caught a unicorn he could make it onto one of the cards. So he set out after the unicorn only to realize that once he was well into the forest that it wasn't a regular forest, but a troll infested forest. Now the trolls in this story aren't the cute little things with really tall blue (or other color) hair that you always think about when you hear about trolls. These things were vicious! And they had caught the unicorn! So with his dreams dashed, SirVR tried to get out of the forest, but he wasn't quick enough. The trolls caught him and just before they ate him, there was a breath of hot air and the trolls all scurried off. SirVR looked up and who did he see, but McFrancination the dragon. "You've saved me!" he exclaimed graciously. "Naw, I didn't do anything noble," the dragon replied, "I have stock in a company competing against the trolls, I'm simply helping myself out here". SirVR wasn't too surprised by this, knowing McFrancination had that insider trading instinct many dragons have. In fact, he asked what company McFrancination had stock in and bought some stock in it himself before he went on again. After a three month trek he finally caught up to the marauding Vandoths in a place known as "The Valley Of Cuddling". He triumphantly marched straight into the tent of the Vandoth leader, Rumigern, who was just now telling a Cantelot villager something about his deceased grandparents. SirVR asked Rumigern why he had sacked the town and captured its people. "To sell them as slaves of course," Rumigern replied. "Makes sense," said SirVR, "however I've got a problem. These people bribe me a lot of money so I can maintain the appearance of order in their town. I can't really afford to lose that money. So I suppose I'll have to rescue them now." Rumigern waved his hand through his bushy beard and gave a pondering face, then he raised his eyebrows and smiled. "I'd like the money I get from selling these people too. However I know of another town near here called Duorfsil and not only do they need someone like you, but they have moderately more attractive women than Cantelot ever had". SirVR didn't need to hear anymore. He moved to the town of Duorfsil where he continued his corrupt ways. The Vandoths sold the Cantelot people as slaves and dragons roamed free across the land. Everyone was happy. Well, except the Cantelot peoples. They weren't.

What Became of Chile

Since I'm recounting previous characters and stories used I'd like to talk about how the year has been for Eduardo Perez (you may remember him as the farmer who wanted to sell llama meat on eBay). Eduardo Perez was chased out of the country after the llamas took power and moved to Venezuela. Once he got to Venezuela, he went to work for his brother-in-law Miguel Tito. Miguel didn't have many animals on his farm. Mostly just caterpillars. You see caterpillars are to Venezuela what coffee beans are to Columbia. It's a big business. Eduardo got a job watching these caterpillars. Now as you can imagine Eduardo was a little wary of his new flocks learning strange tricks. So anytime he saw a caterpillar doing a handstand or a triple axle, he'd hit it with a stick. That way he figured they would not want to do anymore weird things. Now obviously, the caterpillars had different plans. One day, Eduardo went in to check on the caterpillars and they had done the strangest thing! They learned to fly! Flying caterpillars! Of course they had also morphed into something with wings, but FLYING CATERPILLARS! Who could have seen that one coming? Miguel was furious! "How could you let this happen?" he screamed at his brother. Then he fired him. But Eduardo can't be blamed completely for this phenomenon. Officials throughout Venezuela began noticing the same thing happening with many caterpillars. Somehow they had learned to fly! Scientists were shocked by this move. And to this day, caterpillars around the world are learning to fly in droves and morphing into flying caterpillars. They may be somewhere around your house. Be wary. Nobody ever suspects the flying caterpillar. Eduardo didn't and they fluttered around his meadow. His meadow! Is nothing sacred??

Questions and Gerbils

I've got a question for you. And the question is as follows:
"With the flying caterpillar phenomenon rapidly intensifying, knowing the fact that these insects fly around butter, should we give these creatures some sort of nickname and how do we deal with them?"
It's near the end of November, and the beginning of something new, and just so you know, the Cantaloupe will not repeat any previous issues. Just so you know. I thought you might be worried so I cleared that up. And in the same thought, I'd like you all to know I have not recently exploded in a blaze of glory. And the Cincinnati Bengals and Los Angeles Clippers did not become respectable...Don't worry about a thing.

Trevor YVR Plett

(Avocado Brown Canary-Yellow Dark-Blue Ebony Fuchsia Green Hamburger Indigo Jet-Black Kettle-Black Lime-Green Magenta New-Cyan Orange Purple Quartz Red Sky-Blue Turquoise Ultra-Violet White Xtremely-Pink Yellow Zimbabwe-White. All the colors of the rainbow. The coolest color by far of course is "Hamburger". I like that one. It's what I painted the walls of my room)