Valiant Even In Hiding

The Cantaloupe

Welcome back for another edition of the World's most trivial editorial comment. Okay, the Cantaloupe is a little more valued than that, but I must say that my commentary on the world has only really changed a few people's lives. I mean there are highly popular motivational speakers out there who change thousands of people in one day! So what good can I do by only changing a few? Well I suppose you'll have to answer that one, because from now on I'm going to talk about much shallower topics like...

Music and the Arts

At the start of this year I came up with a theory of mine. It holds that every even-numbered year, not a lot of good CDs come out. And every odd year there are quite a few. Well recently I have bought a whole bunch of CDs and there's many more yet to be released in the coming age. Well it made me think about all the different genres that are out there and the lyrics that they are exemplified by. First of all, country (which isn't a musical style, but I'll include it anyway) is all about being either A) Drunk, B) In Love (Most likely with your pick-up truck) or C) recently seperated from your siste...errr....wife. Now even in real music genres there are distinct themes. Metal is mainly about how much you hate everything. Rap is mainly about throwing your hands into the air and waving them around like you just don't care. Now before I move any further I want to unpack the action here. Imagine you're at a rap show and someone sings a song with these lyrics...oh wait, you're at a rap show. Right, so imagine you're at a rap show (singing those lyrics is inevitable). What are you going to do? When told to throw your hands in the air are you going to "throw" them up? No. Most people don't throw up their hands they smoothly raise them. These are clearly two different things. Now waving them around like you just don't care means basically random motion of your arms. I assume it's telling you to flail your arms wildly. What do people normally do? Keep their arms perfectly straight and move them back and forth rhymically. Now answer this question: If you don't care what people think, why are you doing exactly the same thing? So what am I trying to say, that rap is stupid? Nope. Just that next time you're at a show, you need to act like you're in a panic. And being at a rap show, with all the gangsta's who are probably ready to shoot each other, it may not be the most unfounded panic either. Back to music and what it's about. Classical music is mostly gibberish. I mean seriously, if it's supposed to be so high class, why do they sing in unintellegible words? I don't get what they're saying. It's like they're speaking another language here! I mean I know English had a lot of weird words a few hundred years ago, but I thought I could at least understand it! It's the same problem I have with other countries around the world. Do they not educate their kids or something? Like why do they all not know English and they speak it as some sort of gibberish? I don't get it.

Ointment and Tendencies Thereof

One of the cool things to do if you go to a rock show is to go crowd surfing. Now to tell you the honest truth I've only done crowd surfing myself once. In most circles it is frowned upon. Well I think that in life if you lose crowd surfing at concerts, we should bring it into other aspects of our lives. Perhaps at a hockey game. After a goal is scored by the team you're cheering for and all the fans are standing and cheering you start crowd surfing. The only drawback to this plan is that a lot of hockey arenas have two decks. This may still work but you'd have to have good catchers underneath. Maybe the next time an accident happens somewhere and a bunch of people crowd around to see what's going on you should go up on top and surf. There's a chance all the people will see you surfing and realize that life is short and to be enjoyed, not mourned. Doctors say laughter is the best medicine (or is that comedians) so the injured folk may become healed. Crowd surfing could become a public service.

That Question Of Mine

During the last issue I asked a question of all of you. I told you all to "answer the question already". Well most of you failed. You get a C+ (which of course is the worst grade possible in the Cantaloupe's new grading system). One person however did not fail and got a C- (which of course is the highest grade possible under the new grading system). This person said, "What Question? I'm A Blonde!" Thanks be to this reader for you have done all I asked which was to answer in any way you wanted. So here we have it, blondes may in fact be just as smart as anybody else. And peace and harmony will reign upon the world forever. Of yes, and because of this response a certain Lauren D. gets to be READER OF THE MONTH for January 1994. Now I hear the next READER OF THE MONTH may go even farther back. Retro is the craze nowadays so answer and you may win!
Today's question is this....

"Do you listen to different styles of music when you're doing different things like hanging off the rafters than say you would when you're pretending to be a cinnamon bun?"

2 is one digit long

So take it from me, you listen to a lot of music in your life. Silence is hard to come by. So if you're reading this e-mail right now (which you are) and listening to music (which is possible), turn it off and listen to the sounds around you.......that's too quiet isn't it? A little disconcerting. Well you'd better turn the music on and louder just to be sure you're not having any thought processes going on. Wouldn't want to let those start now would you?

Trevor YVR Plett

(On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese I found a diamond ring! Well not so much a diamond ring, but definitely a meatball. That meatball may have been a little shiny and it may have been able to cut almost anything, but I don't think it was a diamond ring. I even showed it to my girlfriend and she said "YES!". I guess she knew it was a meatball and it couldn't have been a diamond ring. My stomach seems to think it's a diamond with all the pain signals it's giving me, but I'm sure that's normal considering I hope to propose later today. Yep, I got a diamond ring right here in my pocket. I believe it's in this round and saucy box.)