Reflexablelet

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The Cantaloupe

Well another week and another month down. We're into October and well it's a little depressing. You see I'm soon going to be a lot older than I am now. It's a scary thing that happens once every year. Each year I can think to myself all the things I accomplished in the last year and for this year, what DID I do? Oh yes, I released a book. And I went to camp. And I did more school. Okay, it wasn't a waste of a year by any account. A waste of a year would be sitting in a cave all year and punching myself in the head until I knocked myself out and when I woke up, doing it again. In fact I'd go so far as to call that stupid. No wait, I'm sorry. I don't want to offend anyone this article so I take that back. If you have done that, I think you may just be unique and gifted in different ways than the rest of us. You see, I'm trying this new thing where I be nice to people. And by that I mean I won't make fun of you. But you know I will, so just remember that I said I wouldn't and maybe you won't notice. On with the show!

For Richer and Poorer

Over the last weekend I had the priveledge of attending two of my friends' wedding. Now to me every time I go to a wedding it feels like they are rubbing it in my face. So I'm not married. Get over it! Okay it actually doesn't feel like that much. That's mostly me and my girly side wishing I WAS married. Well where I was going with this wedding angle is I figured I'd give you some helpful tips for the big day, both attending someone elses and your own.
For the service attender there are some groundrules. If you're late to the ceremony and you think the girl walking down the aisle in the white dress is fighting you for the last seat, it's still not okay to tackle her. In fact, you really shouldn't push her, call her names, beat her with a piece of asparagus or anything like that. And those two older people beside her will mostly likely protect her and hurt you if you try anything like that.
Also if you're attending the wedding and you see these people on stage kissing, the proper reaction shouldn't be a loud "Ewwww!". I mean if you really don't want to see it you can always avert the eyes. It shouldn't be too hard. Even worse is yelling out "Get a room". You see, it's a bad idea to give people ideas like that. Who knows what they could do if they were all alone in a room together? Scrabble maybe?
Oh yeah, one thing I've noticed is this. If you're still wanting to party after the reception and you ask the newlyweds if they want to go hang out or something, they'll most likely say no. Trust me on this one.
Now let's just over to the participant side. If you're the groom and all of a sudden during the service you notice your soon-to-be wife is crying you shouldn't ask "Are you okay?" and wipe away her tears. Also if you're the best man and you notice the bride crying you shouldn't go over and ask her if she's okay and wipe away her tears. From what I have heard it is okay to cry at weddings, even if you are getting married. Of course if it's you getting married you should be stronger emotionally than to be sitting in the corner rocking back and forth crying. That would be a little weak if you ask me, but I suppose I'm not supposed to make fun of people so I apologize to anyone who spent their wedding in such a state.
Another thing I thought would be funny to do is to rig a trap on the parents of the brides' chairs. You know the rope that once they step on it jerks them up into the air. Similar to those. So they sit down and all of a sudden they're hanging upside down and you the groom hightail it out of there with the bride shouting "She's mine now!". I mean you wouldn't want to take any chances would you? Anyways, I'm sure it'd be a great bonding moment between in-laws. You'd have things to laugh about in 5 years. "Remember that time when you hung me upside down and stole my daughter, boy that was hilarious!" your father-in-law would remark. Maybe to get you back they'd come into your house and night, take your wife, nail your blankets down to the bed so you could never get free and never come back. Boy, you'd certainly have a laugh about that one. "What funny in-laws I have", you'd say. It'd be wonderful times all around I'm sure.

You See I Got These Sacks

I got to ask a question last week and well I did get some responses, so maybe next week I'll get responses too. Yay! Anyways last week I asked about dating three guys- Salmon suit, otter bait and "you look like a grapefruit" boy. Well the question was to girls, but I did get a mixed pool of responses.
Dave H. says, "(if I was a girl) "I'd rather date the guy who comparred me to the grapefruit constantly. Maybe he would be talking about my breasts, and seeing as though grapefruits are a decent size, that's a good thing. I'd really rather not date the guy who always gets attacked ... unless there was a way to get rid of the otters, then I'd pick him over the salmon guy."
Well Dave, I'm glad you're man enough to talk about having decent size breasts, but I still find it a little creepy.
Alisha R. Says, "I have given this some thought and I've come to a conclusion. The guy I would LEAST want to go out with would be the guy who dresses up in a salmon costume every time we go on a date. This is simply horrifyingly embarrassing. What girl would want to be seen in public with a giant salmon?? Costumes like that are only appropriate for outings such as all you can eat fish night and weddings. Secondly, the person I would MOST want to go out with (if forced I might add) would be the guy who compares me to a grapefruit. I don't like grapefruits but it's by far safer of a choice than dating the guy who gets attacked by wild otters.... you'd be attacked by association I'm sure. And besides, otters can leave some nasty scars and let's face it- I'm all about looks. Just kidding. Sort of. haha Okay theres my responce- I hope you are thankful I actually put effort into one of your questions."
Yes, Alisha, I am very thankful you put gave 110 % on this one, when some slackers didn't reply at all. Oops, just lost 98% of my readership. Although since they're slackers they won't put forth effort to hurt me so HA! And I agree, the fish suit would be awesome for weddings. I mean couldn't that be a great idea for a wedding. All the guests could wear salmon costumes and the wedding party could have fishing poles. OR the bride could wear the fish costume and the groom could be like "What a wonderful catch I've got. I'll throw the rest back now". Wouldn't that romantic? I certainly think so. Now don't you all go stealing that idea.
Nolan A. who was in Brighton, England may I add at the time he wrote this (Which means of the three responses so far, Medicine Hat is the closest place to here providing a response) says, "Well Trevor I'm very glad that you're letting us wish for dating people when we have such dreadful options before us. If those were my choices I know I'd start wishing to date completely different people too. So hmmm, I think I'd most wish to date a few girls I may have met across the ocean, not from me now you understand, across the ocean from where I live. But don't be confused. I wouldn't wish to date them simultaneously. I'd least wish to date dolphins. We could never live together in community. We'd have to part all the time. We would seldom see each other."
Now I don't recall dolphins being one of my options for this, but I suppose I'd rather not date a dolphin either. I mean while they are sleek and attractive, they live so far away. They don't talk much and it'd be like pulling teeth to figure out what you did wrong (even more so). Oh yes, and your half human-half dolphin children would be ridiculed. So yes, bad choices all around.One final response and yes, finally one from within 2 and a half hours of where I live. Oh yes, and our second girl to answer the question about which guy they'd like to date.
Karla K. says, "Well Trevor (if that is your real name) The answer to your question is simple. I would choose the guy who constantly compaired me to a grapefruit, because... well the other two would get weird looks and most likely get us kicked out of whatever place we were having this "DATE". At least if he was talking to me quietly or even loud less people would notice and only i would know i was dating a jerk. I mean really nice guy"
Well here's a problem I can see with this response. You say only you'd know you were dating a jerk. Well that'd certainly be a problem. Now wouldn't you hate it if you thought the guy you were dating was a jerk, but everyone else loved him? I think it'd be better to date a jerk that everybody knew was a jerk, because if you HAD to be dating him, at least you'd get sympathy.
Anyways, it's a clear win for Grapefruit boy. So boys out there, you now know what girls (and guys pretending to be girls) find attractive. Go and compare away.

This Week We Find Out Why Tea Bags Aren't Used As Fuel For Space Shuttles

I'm going to ask YET ANOTHER QUESTION. Boy, don't I seem like the prosecution now? I can be the good cop or the bad cop. It's your choice. No wait, that's my choice. Anyways......the question is thus: "If you were looking to find a place to live, would you rather live in a house with a live cow stuck in your wall, a house that read Shakespeare every night at 2 in the morning or a house that was made entirely of dirt. By the way, you can't fix any of these problems"Yes, it's reminiscent of last week's question, but I like these "would you rather" questions, so yep that's why it's there.

Making My Last Music Stand

I'm sure most of you have noticed I sold out to corporations for this issue and printed an ad before the article. Well you see, money is good and I like to have some. So yeah, that's why. If any of you want me to advertise you, you can just ask me. Because I'm certainly there to do those kinds of things.Oh yes, and since I caused you grief in that way, I'll give you a bonus. Just click on the attachment and read my list of my 100 favourite CD's (that I own). Have a great week and buy a Chevrolet while you're at it. Goodnight.

Trevor YVR Plett

(For those of you who have not figured out the title, it's a combination of three words: Reflex, flexable and bullet. Now you see the clear genius behind those things. I mean the irony or something is totally out there. Go tell Michaelango he's been bested by a mere mortal. Yep. It's so incredibly great that most humans can't figure out what it means. They will all think it's just a cool title with no other point and I can tell you that's an attitude that's very wrong. Very wrong. If I tried to explain the real meaning it would go over all of your heads. Yep.)