Generic and the Sit Down Meal

Generic And The Sit Down Meal

A year ago around this time there was a presidential election. The Cantaloupe became the president of whatever it was we were running for. Oh yes, president. The loser of the election, Tim Generic is a natural politician, but a politician needs to get voted in. So unfortunately our friend Tim had to do other things to make ends meet. He tried a few things, but eventually he became a waiter at the fancy restaurant Tishimundi's. This is one night of his employment there...

TIM GENERIC- Hello, I'll be your waiter today, Tim Generic. Thank you for supporting the Tishimundi's campaign. Our mission is to bring you the best food we can no matter what those bureaucrats in Washington have to say about it!

GUY- Aren't you supposed to ask us if we want drinks now?

TG- I will not apologize for bringing change to this establishment. For far too long our system has been outdated with people being asked about drinks right away. Before we get hasty with our decisions we need to sit back, form a committee and determine in your best interests if we need to ask you if you want drinks. Only once we go through due process will I be able to question you properly.

GUY- Whatever dude, just bring me a Coke

GIRL- How much is a raspberry smoothie?

TG- With the cost of smoothies rising at an alarming rate we may have to enact measures to keep them affordable for your average citizens. Studies show a great disparity between those who can purchase smoothies and those who cannot. I have worked long and hard to keep smoothies accessable to people from every table, bar stool or pulled out chair. Smoothies are something that makes us as people who we are. It's a symbol of freedom that nobody can take away from us. To buy a smoothie is to be able to have a sense of pride. Just because one has less money than another is no reason to deprive someone of their pride.

GUY- Look, I'm taking my girlfriend out for food. I'm paying. I don't care how much it costs. She is getting the smoothie.

TG- I hereby would like to table a motion. This is Bill H7-70 also known as the "Drinks Bill". The motion calls for this guy to recieve a coke and the girl to recieve a raspberry smoothie. The floor is now open for debate.

GUY- Dude, that's what we asked for. Of course it's what we want

SARAH DOLDROMS- Not so fast, I have an objection

GIRL- (whispering) Who's that?

TG- It's my sister. She also works here.

SD- Getting a coke and a smoothie may be a popular decision with the electorate, but the ramifications of it are huge. The overall hit to the bill-payers pocket may be larger than anticipated. There are other ways to spend this drink money that would help much more. You could get an orange juice and a root beer. Coke is known to harm the body and the cost in dentist's bills is outrageous these days.

TG- Sarah, you're out to lunch. Sometimes you must do what is outrageous to do what is right. You're holding on to outdated dogmatic ideas of what kinds of drinks you should get. This is the 21st century and it is a century of tolerance and peace. We no longer can bully people into picking certain drinks. We must have a waiter-customer accord which enables the customer to have greater selection of drinks

SD- You may be right, but what you're forgetting is the education issue. How can you expect people to make an informed decision when you've given them no education? Guy and girl, how much has Tim Generic taught you about what you're getting for drinks? Sure you think you want a coke and a smoothie now, but if the news media properly showed these items as they truly were, what would you think of them? It's the elite in society who must make these decisions for the uninformed until they become acquainted with what drinks truly are better than others.

GUY- Enough! We've made up our minds! Less talk and more getting us drinks.

TG- We've come to the vote. All in favor or immediately getting drinks raise your han...

SD- Before you do that, I'd like to propose an amendment to Bill H7-70. Currently the bill reads the guy wants a coke and the girl wants a smoothie. I'd like to tack on in addition that you share a chocolate milk. You see, it's a sad state of this table, when our children, and more importantly your unborn children aren't able to get enough calcium...

GIRL- (interrupts) I'm not pregnant!

SD- Sorry dear, our restaurant has pregnancy test sensors on the doors. We know. Ignorance of the issues does not make them correct. The unborn child is your stomach has rights you know. It simply is wrong when the mother chooses not to get two drinks when she can. I hope you reverse the decision to only get a smoothie out of moral obligation.

TG- I disagree. I personally believe in a woman's right to choose what drinks she wants. The issues are far more complicated than that however. First of all you need to realize how many things the liquid goes through before it reaches this baby. It touches the lips, tongue then down the throat and esophogus and into the stomach. After this, scientists are unable to track what happens to the liquid, although many leading experts think there is a tube leading into your arms and legs with this liquid. That would explain why when you cut yourself there is some sort of reddish liquid that squirts out. How this would hurt or help a baby I have no clue personally. One thing I do know is that the information is inconclusive. We will continue to search for the answer to this dilemma, but in the meantime we cannot stop living our lives in the ways we have done for thirty years. I say, girl, you are a customer and you are the most important person here right now!

GIRL- So can I get that smoothie then?

SD- Sorry hon, we have to vote an the amendment first

TG- We'll get it for you as soon as we have ratified the bill as a law

GUY- Look, we're hoping to do something after possibly so if there's any way to speed this...

SD- Not one that I'm aware of. It's a proven fact that 23% of all automobile accidents are caused by somewhat excessive speeding. I met a lady once whose St. Bernard was killed by a driver going 92 in a 90 zone. To listen to that lady talk about that dog and how she'll never get a chance for retribution since the driver was also killed, it's saddening. There's no doubt in my mind that this would have all been avoided if the speed hadn't been involved. Now you're going to talk about speeding this up? How selfish!

TG- Look, it's a proven fact that 69% of all people think our roadways are outdated. Throwing money at the problem won't help. What will help is spending that same money. Perhaps on building seperate roadways for animals to cross as well as more seperate roadways for kids to play in. This serious of never ending overpasses, underpasses and insidepasses will make speed a viable option. Some people may ask where we'll get all the money to do these large scale projects. It is these people we will tax the highest.

SD- There are more important issues here than making roadways safe! Sure, fancy shmancy construction projects might solve the problem, but where's the payback? People like that lady have lost beloved pets to drivers who have also perished. Who should be punished? We need to find what many people call a scapegoat. Once we have punished these goats, the owners of dead pets will feel morally justified.

TG- I agree with you there sister. The justice system in our country needs fixing. But what needs fixing before that is our roads. Cars currently are unable to traverse steep inclines, we're talking straight up here. So what I'm proposing is if we create roads that do that, the cars will be forced to innovate so they can get from Point A to Point B. I'm guessing going up one of those things will curb speeds as well.

GUY- What does this have to do with our order?

SD- Nothing, we're going on a tangent. You see the world does not simply revolve around you and Mrs. Oh I Look Good Because I'm Good-Looking.

GIRL- What did you just call me? ... Wait, was that a compliment?

TG- I think, girl, that a compliment is one of our most precious resources. We need to manage these wisely. If we trade them wisely, such as telling you how good you look, we will be more likely to get a tip in return. So you see, building strong bonds between you and I is important for both of us. You get complimented, I get tips.

GUY- We don't want compliments, all we ask is for our drinks

SD- That's the problem these days, customers don't have nearly enough faith in those waiting their tables. They only want drinks or food. If I was a customer I'd expect more. It's fairly easy to ease the hunger of a table of people, but much harder to make a dent in world hunger. Shouldn't I be able to ask my waiter or waitress to do that? If all you ask if for small things, when will you get the big ones?

TG- My shift ends in five minutes, I think we need to vote on the amendment to Bill H7-70.

GIRL- That's the chocolate milk one, or the web of freeways one?

GUY- Chocolate milk

TG- All in favour

GUY- Sure, if it'll get us our drinks faster

GIRL- Do you think I might actually be pregnant?

GUY- Look dear, can we talk about this later, without these people here...

SD- I'm in favour as well

TG- Motion carried. Guy gets coke, girl gets smoothie, they get to share a chocolate milk.

GUY- So.....

TG- What?

GUY- Aren't you going to get us our drinks now?

TG- Don't you know how bills work? They have to be ratified by the Senate first. Don't worry, it won't take too long. You see they're actually meeting next week. I'm sure you'll have your drinks in no time.

GIRL- Can we talk now? It looks like we'll have enough time

GUY- You don't have a womb

GIRL- Huh?

GUY- Your mother told me when we got married. It seems impossible yes, but somehow you were born without a womb. You can't be pregnant. You have everything else, yes, but no womb.

GIRL- And I wanted to name it Starbucks!