The Fine Art Of Camp

The Cantaloupe

Well folks, it's been a long time since I sent you one of these things. A month or so. Well Trevor, where have you been all this time? Very simple my friends. Camp. I've been at camp. You see I have no access to a computer and thus it becomes much harder to send anything weekly. But I'm home now and I'm ready to write. Now the topic for today's audience. They always tell you to speak about things you know. Well I know camp. So for today's edition I'm going to talk about camp.

The What Where and Why

So what reasons are there for going to a summer camp? Can't a summer spent all alone at home be just as exciting? Possibly. I mean camp has got to be overrated right? So here's what you do to make your own home camp experience. First instead of activities such as archery or riflery you take a simple object such as a potato peeler and toss it at random objects such as a beloved artifact. Getting in trouble will make it seem like a more genuine camp feeling. Wide games are usually a highlight. Can you replace these in your home? Well, a lot of folks like Capture the Flag. So just go hide something in your house like a potato peeler and then anytime another family member comes close to where it is you tag them and bring them to jail. Remember this: Getting in trouble makes it feel realer. The only drawback is all the unpeeled potatoes you may be eating for dinner. Lighting a campfire yourself is one of the difficult skills you may learn at a camp. At home this will be much simpler. Almost all homes contain numerous highly flammable objects. I suggest you use the dining room table. I personally love singing campfire songs and singing them around the house while its burning down would be a treat. Of course once you're done with that you might want to go to a real camp for a bit while you find a new house. Actually I have a much better idea

Exciting Oppertunity

Sign up now for an awesome week at Camp My Basement! It includes everything you could possibly want in a camp! You'll definitely find yourself very close to all the other people in the camp. Remember camps where you were all alone wishing you had someone to hang out with. I don't, but even so there's no need worrying about that at Camp My Basement! Have you ever been to a camp where it's rained all the time? No need to worry about at Camp My Basement because there's ceilings everywhere! All activities will go ahead as planned! What will these activities include? That's a good question.....
Oh yeah, there's only two beds in my basement so you'll learn to share. Oh yes and there's only one washroom so you'll definitely learn to share.Listen to this testimony from a previous camper at Camp My Basement:

"I was a little concerned when I heard we'd be sleeping in a stack formation on the floor. I figured having two girls under me and another three on top of me would be uncomfortable for sleeping and certainly very warm, but now I'd suggest a dogpile for sleeping any day. As for the warmth, it was quite toasty. Luckily for us they dumped ice cubes on the pile before bed. Sure we woke up in a puddle of water, but that's camp, right? Just something to get used to. They say camp brings people together and they really mean that. I never thought I'd forget which leg sticking out of the pile is mine, but I don't think I know anymore. It's not exactly like I have feeling in it or anything like that. We've really had some deep discussions this week. One girl said, 'I think this is worse than hell'. From that statement we got into a theological debate about whether this camp or hell is worse. That's the beauty of this camp."
-Therissalynnee, 15

Vertical Time Limit

For today's question of the week, I will ask this:
"If you could host a camp in a really strange place, where would it be and what types of activities would you have?"

Unifying Turbulance

Regarding my next issue, I cannot guarentee any particular time for it's release. If I was home I could tell you next week, but sadly, I don't know when I'll be home. I also don't really know what my home is. On friday I told other people that I'd be "home on Monday". I'm at my home now. What is my home? Perhaps I'm the hermit crab that has a can on his back and then tries to find a new can. My home is a can. No wait. That's a terrible analogy. Except that I really wanted to talk about hermit crabs. I like changing what I'm talking about suddenly.

Trevor YVR Plett

(If today's column is the fine art of camp, here's the fine print of camp: Camp is spelled not only with a C and a P, but also there are two letters in the middle. Rumour has it that one of the letters is an A, but these are so far unsubstantiated. One of my friends told me the other letter was an M, but that's simply too far fetched. If I had to guess how to spell camp I would most certainly tell you it's spelled with an I and a J. CJIP! See, it works like a working toaster!)