50! Cantaloupe's Grey Hair Shows

The Cantaloupe 50th Issue Spectacular

It's the moment you've all been waiting for years. The 50th Year Anniversary of The Cantaloupe. No wait, not 50 years, but 50 issues...wait, what if this was the 50 year anniversary? It'd might look a little like this...

Cantaloupe Mush- June 10, 2054

After 50 years, you'd think this would get easier. However just like trying to get out of bed in the morning, it's difficult. But then again, with all my readers depending on me for life support I know I have to. I'd just like the thank the medical scientists once again for making Cantaloupe Mush into what respirators used to be. Now everyone in the hospital has to be reading this or else they die. It's a lot of responsibility on my part, but I'm glad it has been done. I always thought I could be a pharmaceutical expert one day, and I didn't even need a degree to do it. I'm perturbed (perturbed does mean happy nowadays doesn't it?) to have this as a vocation.

The Empire Turns Black

So I had the grandchildren over again. Now it's strange what they're teaching kids these days. I mean I know back in my day I did a lot of chest bumping or crazy greetings, but since when did picking your friend up and throwing him into a wall become the accepted form of greeting? Now I can understand a few things about this. I mean now that losing blood is no big deal, it's become a status symbol to have a gash in your forehead. I understand that part. I know myself that before going out on a formal occasion with the beautiful wife, I like to hit myself over the head with a sharp object. The red face IS cool. The problem I have with this is that you scuff up the walls. It's grievous and bogus. I like my walls looking their darndest and with the kids wearing steel wool pants, it just makes a mess. So the other day I tried to tell my twelve year old grandson Pinkinous Finbadhair this...here's how it went down:

Me: Pinkinous! Come here!
Pinkinous proceeds to come over, pick me up and toss me into the wall
Me: Oof. That's what I'm wanting to talk to you about. Do you really have to pick me up and throw me into the wall? It's Madness!
Pinkinous: Well my mother told me I wasn't allowed to like greet anyone by kicking them in the groin.
Me: Good for her, but isn't there any other greetings that you know of?
Pinkinous: No
Me: Well then, continue the wall thing

Memories, Memories and Maybe Some Twine

The last 50 years have really been something. I don't think there has been a single era of human history as abstract or complex as the last 50 years. I'll highlight a couple things. First of all the rise of Prussia to world power again has been remarkable. With all of our modern weaponry I never would've guessed someone would conquer great chunks of the world again, but the current Prussian Empire is now the biggest in world history. But you know all this. And to think they did it using turtles. TURTLES! If I had known how to do that 50 years earlier I certainly would have tried to do it. I mean think of all the calamities I would have prevented. I think too many restaurants serve sauerkraut mixed with chromatin now.

To Reciprocate Is The Essence of Wetness

Remember when people used to retire around 60-65ish? Well sadly those days are gone. When the Prussians came and conquered our coniferous land, they took all of our retirement savings. Now we're mere slaves. Luckily when we ran out of fossil fuels they needed alternative energy sources. Both involve manual labour. One involves people running around in a giant wheel like mice. I know a couple of my old friends who do that. They hate it. Lucky for me, I got the part where I jump on a trampoline 10 hours a day to generate power. Now back when I was a kid none of the 70 somethings did backflips on trampoline. So I finally taught myself to do one and I showed somebody thinking I was all that and what does he do? A double backflip! Craziness I tells you! So let me tell you it's hard for someone my age to train yourself to do anything, but finally after a year of training where I broke my hip 80 times (Good thing broken hips only take 5 seconds to heal with the proper medication), I completed a double backflip. Well what does dude do? A triple backflip! Well I was thinking maybe this guy's just a loaf, so I find an enderly lady and I show her the double backflip. Well she does a backflip barrel roll combo! It seems I'm just an immobile old grampa. So once again like always I go home and drown my sorrows with a Darth Dew.

Question of the Week

If there were to be a better way of generating power other than jumping on a trampoline, what would it be?

Well that's the first 50 years. Soon the next 50. With the way people are living today, it's highly probable.

Trevor YVR Plett Sr. Sr

....That's What It'd Look Like

I'm going to be like that when I'm 71! Gosh! I couldn't ask for a better future. Now here's the part of the newsletter where I take a page from CD's and thank people

Trevor Thanks

Everyone who subcribes to the Cantaloupe, but more so the people who don't because without them I'd never get any new readership. The pope because he's got a cool hat. Pigs, because they give me bacons and I love my bacons. Verdin, because it's a word I've yet to ever use until now. Finally Jesus Christ, because without him I wouldn't have clean underwear.(Should I explain how? You see God invented water and without water you can have no clean underwear. The system works)
Oh by the way, I've now used all 23 words I've been given to say more often. To see my readership and the list of words, I'm attaching an attachment, because if I didn't attach my attachment it'd simply be a ment and we all know how I feel about ments now don't we?
Secondly before I go on to issue 51, I've also attached a quiz about me and the Cantaloupe. If you feel the urge to waste time do it. Send me your answers and I'll mark them and send them back. After two weeks, whoever got the highest score I will give a FREE BOOK! My book! If you've already bought a book you can always get two. Just in case you wish to eat one or something. Or just give it away.
Thirdly, This will be my final issue. Goodnight

Trevor YVR Plett

(Oh by the way, that last statement was a lie. If any of you ask, "You're really done" I'll know you didn't read this. I'll never quit. I'll never give up until the whole world is conquered. I'm going to release at least another 10000 issues in the course of my life. C'mon, you can't stop me. You couldn't even stop a freight train at full speed now could you? I thought so.)