The First Issue Ever

The Cantaloupe

You know how in title it calls this the first issue ever? Well it's close enough right? 40 some issues off ain't bad right?

Contrary to Principle 55

Have you ever noticed that it's hot outside? But very nice nonetheless.To open today's column I'd like to correct a very popular misunderstanding. One thing that people always say about teenagers (especially girls) is how they're dressed. Supposedly they don't wear much. They apparantly show off a lot. Well today (April 20) in Calgary it hit (wait, let me check) 19. That's warm. I was (and still am) wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'd say to be comfortable today, you had to be wearing shorts to be outside and if you weren't doing so, you had to at least wear a t-shirt. Now for this theory that girls wear too little to be true, on a day like today they would have to be wearing less than what I was. In fact, what I think is ridiculous is how many girls I saw wearing hoodies! Maybe I don't understand girls, but I knew for men at least, you wear less clothing when it's outrageously warm. You'd think that if girls just really wanted to show things off they'd use a day like this as their oppertunity. Speaking of showing I think it's a shame that we don't have show-and-tell anymore. I mean it'd be great. One of these theoretical girls could walk to the front of the class and say, "You all know what I'm showing off today. I got this when I was merely an embryo." Well that's of course if such a thing was the case. No the problem with our society is exactly the opposite. Girls clearly have some sort of heating difficiency in their body. I don't know how to solve this problem. If we let this go unchecked, it's going to be summertime, where the newest style is large fur coats! After that maybe girls will walk around in 30 degree weather with heavy blankets wrapped around them. I've said for ages, that if you're a guy, you have no hope of understanding woman and I suppose this is one of those days.

The Last Slice of Casserole Pudding

Yesterday I was talking with some people and we came up with an ingenious idea. Well for some reason I was trying to convince my friend Shanon to assassinate someone for me. Well I asked how much she'd charge and it was far too much. So I wondered this: Can you get a dollar-store assassin? If you could, what would they look like? Well a good assassin likely will not get seen. Therefore a bad assassin will make his intentions clear to everyone. So basically we figured that a dollar store assassin would basically just walk towards the person with a crazy look on their face and a drawn knife. If the person walked or ran away they wouldn't be killed, but if they walked into the extended knife...well too bad for them.

The Third and Final Paragraph Ever

Today's quote of the day is this: "If at first you don't succeed, then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it" -W.C Fields
I like this quote because if provides a much different perspective then the popular "If at first you don't succeed, try again". I mean if we applied the more popular proverb to our lives, where would we be? What would our society be like if this motto ruled our lives?
Titanic maker- So our unsinkable ship sank, huh?
Titanic maker's friend- I suppose. You're not going to give up are you?
TM- Of course not. I can't give up now. I must build the unsinkable ship.
TMF- Good for you. Then what?
TM- Then we find that iceberg and show it who's the boss! We sail the ship directly for the middle of the ice. I must succeed in preventing this ship from sinking.
And that's the way I think history should go down. I mean you're supposed to learn from your mistakes, but you're also supposed to try again if you've failed. What if your mistake was trying in the first place?

Question of the Week

Do you like bunnies? Why or why not? (Note responses to questions IS encouraged)Well apparantly I'm now done school and we'll soon enter the crazy month of May. So now my time is awesome. So yeah, Trevor needs entertainment. Provide him with some. I'll talk to each and every one of you by telegram within the week. Goodnight.

Trevor YVR Plett

(An ancient Chinese proverb once said, "It is only those who grow the rice that get to pluck it". This saying is the most true statement ever in the universe. I mean if you don't grow, you don't pluck. That's obvious. Plucking is the greatest time one could have in ancient China. I tried it once myself. It's a bundle of ancient fun. I can't imagine not having plucked rice before. It changed my life man!)