Oh The Madness!

The Cantaloupe

Previous to now, I did not realize how much power my articles have on the world as a whole. To clarify, I think I may have jinxed winter to an extent. Or the lack thereof. You see it hadn't snowed in a long time. I write article about how it hadn't and it does. But it's still not overly cold (braces self for -40). Either way I figure that now I should be able to control things by simply stating the opposite. For example, have you noticed how little money has been falling out of the sky lately? It's atrocious! You'd think a couple $20 bills would sprinkle at least, but no. Now that I've said that, I expect a change. I expect to become a rich ma...I mean a poor man!

Over There Is Where The Heart Is

Many have asked me over the years, "What's the source for your comedy success?". "How do you do it?". I don't even know that I could have answered that question. Why would I want to give away my secrets? Well I figure it's about time for me to do the unthinkable. I will share. The first secret is one that I can illustrate using a story.
Back in high school we had these days called Wednesdays. I KNOW! Wacky stuff! Anyways these days at my school were Directed Study Wednesdays. On one particular DSW, me and my friend Steve did something that was quite fun. Some people might think it was lame and a waste of time (and they're probably right), but I enjoyed it thoroughly. We played this game in our agendas where we listed a word and then listed words that rhymed with them. So what word first? Duck. So we listed words that rhymed. I believe our next word was hit. And I think somewhere in there we used the word "Plastered". For example the only thing we could think of for "plastered" was "mastered". Either way, some people thought were picking the words for a particular purpose, but I think we were completely random.So what's the theory? I call it oblivious. Acting oblivious is the key to having fun. Pretending you don't completely get all the factors behind something.
This spawns a fun idea called the "Jesus Loves You Finger". Well there's four fingers. If you simply raise only the ring finger I call that giving someone the "Jesus Loves You Finger". I mean this is something important to tell people right? So you NEED a symbol for it. Now what are the practical implications? Well let's say someone cuts you off in traffic. You are driving your red minivan down Memorial Drive and a biker cuts you off. Well being a person with moral integrety you don't get angry. Instead you make a move that will be contrary to what someone would expect. You show the biker that you forgive him. You tell him that despite his terrible driving, there is someone who still loves him. That's right, you show him the "Jesus Loves You" finger. So at the next light, lean out the window and yell at him. You have to yell because otherwise you might not get his attention. Now once he looks at you, you quickly show him the finger. You don't hold it too long because you need to keep your attention on driving. Just a quick one second gesture. I'm sure it will make him feel all fuzzy inside. If you see one of his kind later in the day walking down the street you make want to flash him with it too! Just because you're a loving sort of person!

Have a Good Weekend

Over the weekend many people across this country and others will celebrate a holiday called Easter. Now I've always wondered what chocolate eggs have to do with the resurrection of Christ, but I did a little research into it and I think I may have been wrong. Maybe chocolate and eggs are a part of Easter
Corporate John 20: 1-2
"Early Sunday morning while there still were no Cadbury's Cream Eggs in existance, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found her basket. She also noticed there was a tomb with the stone rolled away. She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved and told them how much she loved the Mini Eggs"
So you see it's right there in the Slightly Altered Bible. Now I really doubt such an edition exists, but if it did then I would understand it all. Of course, with just a slight bit of research I'd probably be able to find the beginning of such things as chocolate Easter eggs, but you know me, I don't seem to care too much. Research might kill my bit.

Final Words

For those of you hoping or wishing to come to my Book Release Party on Saturday, too bad! It's postponed until let's say....April 9! That's a great day to hang and stuff! And sign books! Same time, same place, same bat channel! However I will still continue my plan of releasing the book to purchase as of....right now! Buy one today! $9. Me! Corporate initiative!Have a great weekend!

Trevor YVR Plett

(In the future I dream of capturing a world renowned terrorist, then cloning him and letting the terrorist go so that in 30 years when they still haven't caught the terrorist they'll find his clone, who'll be a pharmacist. Then they'll arrest him and I'll laugh because hey, life is funny!)