Unkut Uncensored and Full of the Letter K

The Cantaloupe

This was the week in Canada where the laughter died. It was a week we shall all remember as the death of hockey. However it set a precedent in all kinds of disputes that will live on. Take this story of an argument about what color to paint their walls in our very own city.

Wall Over

Tabitha and Rory Van Mini couldn't agree whether or not to keep the walls blue or paint it simply white. This argument had been brewing for some time. Rory figured the couple was wallowing in debt because blue paint is simply too much money. Tabitha however really liked the blue walls. They made her happy. However Rory came out with their budget. It showed the couple was losing $800 billion dollars on blue paint. This seemed an exaggeration to Tabitha. She just couldn't imagine losing more than $10 billion a year on paint. The dispute finally hit rock bottom. One day while Tabitha went to the store, Rory locked the doors. Yes, Tabitha was locked out. This lasted a while. Tabitha had no home, but she was determined not to give up. That wall would stay blue!
Tabitha- Under no circumstances was I going to agree to a paint costing cap. It's a free country. I can spend whatever I want on my diamond encrusted glitter paints.
Well for months it dragged on. Tabitha got an apartment to live in that surprisingly had white walls! The paint was like...so cheap! On the other hand the walls were slowly degrading from not being painted and Rory was doing nothing.Well soon they decided to negotiate once more. Their friends and family were certain that they were going to come to an agreement. Tabitha agreed that the paint didn't have to be blue and Rory agreed the paint could be diamond encrusted. However just when things looked perfect they broke talks off. What the??!!! Then the terrible news came. The walls had collapsed. The house was cancelled for the season. Everyone involved cried, especially the little kids who had become trapped under the wreckage. It was a sad day. But was it really over?
Rumors swirled and finally it became a reality. There were going to be more meetings! Tabitha and Rory would ressurect their house and pull their children out from the wreckage. Well it was not to be. They still couldn't agree on anything.
Van Mini's 12 year old daughter- My mom and dad were just bickering and I couldn't understand it. I kept yelling and yelling. I mean I hadn't been able to move for a week. The chimney was on my right leg. If they had just listened to me I could have told them there was no walls left to paint and all their arguments were pointless. I'm so hungry.
Despite the hunger pangs of the kids, they agreed to disagree. And that was the first agreement they had in a year or so.
Rory- My youngest daughter Tiffany (she's 8) asked me to move the refridgerator off of her. I told her that if she could just hold still under it's weight for another couple of months that mommy would certainly give in. She cried. I guess kids just don't understand these things.

And Now For Something Completely The Same

Many of you know that I used to be an orphan. Well my runaway parents have returned. I'd like to tell each of you who said I wouldn't make it, that I did! I think I've got the hang of dressing myself and everything. It's pretty sweet it is. I figured out how to do a lot of things. To those who think Jell-O isn't a food group, well it certainly was a prominent dish in my cooking. But yeah, you certainly take a lot of things for granted when your parents are home. For one, I don't recall nearly so many rats running around the house. Where did they come from? And why in particular are they mutated? I suppose I'll never know. Luckily for me, I got a lot of money for letting the nuclear power plant deposit all this waste in my kitchen. A whole $10. Think of what a radioactively enhanced young man could do with all that cash!

Quickie Thought Of The Week

If you were an environmentalist feeling down in Antarctica you'd have to go a long way to find a tree to hug.I think we should blame the industry of forestry for the current state of trees in Antarctica. I mean that place is totally without trees. But really, I think we need to puncture a hole in the ozone layer much bigger than we already have. That way, we can turn the ice continent into a tourist resort. And maybe we can sell the ice. Think of the money. And also we should see if we could blow up the moon. Why? Because we can. Ahhhh...technology is the greatest thing ever isn't it. And mankind is so great. And sarcasm is better used is a sentence not beginning with "and".

Trevor YVR Plett

(Do a deer rolling in dough Re a guy whose name is ray Me a guy who is so great Fa Down the stairway ouch So what you say before "good" La Rhymes with Vertilwa Ti the Cantaloupe favorite drink and that brings you back to something or other)