Orange To The Core

The Cantaloupe

It's time for another edition. It's a little difficult to stick to certain times of writing this week since I've been overcome by the homework plague. Why? Because apparently I have no true friends. Where were all of you to stop me from doing homework? That's right! You weren't! Anyway that said, I have a problem with our post-secondary system. Something just isn't right. We need a change. I mean where else do you pay them money so that you can work? I mean do I go and walk into a McDonald's and say, "I'll have a Big Mac" and then do they say, "okay go make one"? Well that's what our colleges and universities are doing! Since WE pay the money, THEY should do the homework! All these people are complaining about the cost of post secondary, but I say it's not the cost, but the efficiency. If I wanted to do work myself, I wouldn't have to pay anyone anything at all! That's why I pay the college so THEY can do it.That said, I think college students are generally whinier than everyone else. Who'd have thunk that being broke, eating from dumpsters and being slave-driven to do homework would make someone whiny? I mean if that makes you whiny, what hope does any of the rest of us have? None. Definitely not our billionaires or millionaires that's for sure.

Back to the Basics

For this section I was looking on the internet to find ACTUAL proverbs I can use. I wanted to find a saying that I could somehow twist the meaning and make funny. Well instead I found an actual saying that IS pretty sweet.

"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend's forehead"-Ancient Chinese Proverb

And since I'm lazy, I'm going to go to the quote bank...

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver."-Jack Handy

Looking Out For The Less Phortunate

You know life is a very complicated thing sometimes. What is the meaning of life? This is a question that philosophers have pondered for almost all of eternity. There have been many cruel things that have happened to really good people and many good things that happen to the most rotten scum around. Like those mean kids who won't let the Trix rabbit get Trix. I mean the only thing the Trix rabbit wants in life is Trix and the kids refuse to let him have any. I mean have a heart children!!! Silly rabbit, Trix are for bullies.
In kind of the same way, the worst job in the world has to be the anonymous henchman. I mean he's not considered worthy of even having his name uttered. You see him on screen, but no name. Not in the credits, not anywhere. And when the hero attacks you, will you defeat him? No! So basically, you're worthless. You aren't worth a name and you can't win a battle. I think they should form a union and hold out for a better deal. Maybe an occasional victory. Maybe a name once in a while. Of course once you have a name, you can't be anonymous anymore so that defeats the whole point.
Also you have to feel for the people of Hungary. They've starved for long enough. I mean nobody even hears their message anymore. Obviously they must have been trying to tell us something when they named their land. Just imagine if a country with fire trouble named their country Burning. What do you think they'd be trying to tell us?! That they are okay with that? No, they'd be saying, "Get your butt over here and put us out!". The worst part of it all is that Turkey is right there. With all that turkey you think you could share some maybe.

And now the newly elected President of Burning With His State of the Union Address

Thank youIt has been a glorious day for myself and my family, but it is more a glorious day for this nation. Each and every one of you had a choice. Either get up and vote or burn in bed, and you chose to vote. You chose a future with less fires. Some have asked whether I can make a difference considering our country's name is "Burning". Well to the doubters I say that I will try my hardest to do that. Our previous leaders have tried everything to stop these fires: simply letting them burn, feeding them more oxygen, rubbing gasoline on the flames, but none of these plans has worked. As president we have many more innovative ideas. We are developing a giant magnifying glass that when the sun hits in just the right spot, may be able to extinguish the flames. However we ask for your patience in that this magnifying glass may not be able to be completed for at least twenty-five years. In the meantime however, we Burningites must show the world that we can move on in our lives. We can work while burning. We can sleep while burning. By golly, we can enjoy our lives while burning. So hold your head high and let the world see you blaze!

On one final note, the government has closed off all tourism to the land of Mysteriously Dying until further notice.

And that's a wrap

In conclusion, I'd like to apologize to all of those living in Saskatchewan for the Roughriders losing Sunday. And the fact that they have to live in Saskatchewan. But again, it could be worse. They could live in Winnipeg. But it could be worse yet, I could live in Winnipeg (It's really easy to make fun of Winnipeg as long as I have no readership there).
And as long as I don't....I'll be good. So yeah...Sunday is the Gray Cup. Another sad year without the league's premier franchise, the Stampeders in the game. Yes I know, CBC must hate the fact that Calgary's absence will hurt their ratings. On the bright side, CBC might get a viewer or two. So have a great week. Party down and up and over there and I'll see you in a Smitty's location near you.

Trevor YVR Plett

(Back by demand (I wouldn't say popular), it's the caption that you sort of can read if you look closely enough. Actually it's not that hard to read. It's a bit small, but it's not like it's a bad thing. That's how God made this font. And only HE knows why.)