Quality Over Quantity Any Day

The Cantaloupe

To all those who read my VH1 Behind the Laughter Special Feature a while back, this is the week I ruin someone's wedding on my drunken rampage and go missing. I can't be wrong with my stories you know. Everything I say is true. Anyway that reminds me, marriage is a crazy thing. I can't even imagine being married. Especially having kids and all. I mean your kids would be like your primary affection. It'd be kinda sad though if one of your kids died. That's why I figure that instead of taking the chance of having a kid die, you should have twins. That way if one dies you can bring out the replacement from the shed. Even better, triplets. I mean that way, you can survive TWO kids dying before you lose the child. It's foolproof.

Back to the Old Mailbag to answer a few months old mail

"If you were a penguin and you just won the lottery... then a volcano errupted and coke started to flow out of it... and McDonalds closed 30mins late JUST FOR YOU... well where would Nolan swim? And also I'd like to know if he'd be more likely to leave through a door by an exit sign or a door without one."-Stephen C., Calgary, AB
Well first of all nobody but Steve and possibly Nolan will get any of this...but oh well. Nolan wouldn't swim at all, he'd stand out in the "rain" on a sunny day. Then he would go in a door with an exit sign, because clearly this is a school thus containing many exit signs. Ahhhh....high school was the golden years of my life. Well....actually the current years ain't that bad either. Anyway on a completely unrelated note I will now tell you a story

The Story which is completely unrelated

Back in the medieval times there was a brave knight named SirVR. SirVR hailed from the wonderful town of Cantelot. He never had any problems defeating other knights, evil sorcerers, monsters and the like. However one day a dragon flew into his village and began getting inside information on stocks. The next day the dragon bought stock in a company on the rise and sold it just as it was about the plunge to it's fiery death. Soon the villagers came to SirVR crying, "You must rid our town of this evil dragon and his insider trading". So the next day, SirVR confronted the dragon
SVR- Please stop your insider trading
McFrancination (that's the dragon's name)- What are you talking about? I have done no such thing
SVR- Really?
McF- I'm sure
SVR- Well then I've been lied to
So SirVR called all the townsfolk together and said, "I have confronted the dragon and he denied such actions. As a result of your lies, I must now cut off the left leg of every person in town". So SirVR cut all the left legs in town off each person, young and old, male and female. As for McFrancination, he continued his evil insider trading. He gained lots of money of which some was given to the brave knight. And nobody ever complained about wrongdoing to the brave knight again. The town was saved!
THE END

Thought of the Day

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, wouldn't it be safer in case of emergency not to eat an apple?

Question of the Day

Why is the Earth flat instead of round?

Now with the Cantaloupe having hit new lows for quality I proceed to exit the scene.

Trevor YVR Plett

(The month of August is National Give Trevor A Present Month. Feel free to give me anything you want. Other than pain. You can take that back)