Cantaloupe no. 25

The Cantaloupe 25th Edition
Aka The Edition That's Just Like Any Other Except That I Use A Larger Title Font

I'd like to personally thank everyone who works at the Cantaloupe, aka… uhhhh....me. Because that's certainly not a stuck up arrogant thing to do

Have you ever noticed nostalgia is just an excuse not to think of anything new?

Ahhh....the times have been great. I remember where I was the first time I sent out a Cantaloupe issue. I was sitting on a chair, staring at a computer. They were good times. Any way I hope you remember where you were the first time you received a Cantaloupe. Whether you were fighting a bull, in the shower or canoeing down the Nile, I'm sure you have great memories. These sorts of things are only brought about once every couple of years. I mean everyone remembers where they were for example when Fruit Loops announced they were adding green loops. I mean I vaguely remember when they added purple, but green was unheard of! 5 different colours. Wow! On this occasion I kinda expected someone from the Calgary Herald or something to send an interviewer but they didn't. I didn't even get the key to the city. Maybe it's coming in the mail. I don't know. Speaking of the key to the city, when you leave the city and you have the key should you lock it? Well that's something I'll find out soon enough. Wait, I hear a TV helicopter I think. No wait, that's just me typing. Awww.

By the way, thanks to everyone who replied to last week's question. As for you who didn't...well uhhhh....maybe we should talk....in a dark alley....with baseball bats. You know? Haven't you ever played a game of dark alley baseball? The last time I played I hit the game winning double.
Anyways you can still send those in if you really want...I don't care.

The Dating Guru is back!

What would be a fun topic for an issue of this magnitude? Well as you clearly saw in my "Dear Diary" issue, I'm an expert at dating. So today I will pass on some of my wisdom. If a girl asks you if she is or looks fat, tell her that "her fatness is nothing compared to her awesome personality". If a girl asks you if you want to dance tell her, "I think you're too fat to dance, but I sure like your personality". And when you meet a girl's parents tell them, "I can see being incredibly obese runs in the family, but clearly you all are nice people". It's that simple. Compliments can never be used too little I always say. By the way if you have any real or fake relationship questions I'd be glad to hear them. Because I can answer them in humorous ways.

Movie of the Week

Bambi 2: The Hunter's Revenge. The fifth full film by Quentin Tarantino. Lots of violence and gore. Yum yum.
Anyways I can't wait for issue 50 when I can do this again. Anyone who wants archived issues sent to them can just ask and they shall receive.

(Editor’s note from the future-I lied terribly about this one. People asked me, and I never did get around to sending out issues. What a terrible person I am.)

TREVOR "YVR" McPlett

(Those of you who subscribe to my newsletter know I mistaken didn’t put a caption here before and that I can rectify that. Because to tell you I contain material I didn’t before I must add new and better things. What, you don’t want your money’s worth?)