The Cantaloupe

This week's issue: Summer Ideas

Summer for many is a long, boring time. For others it's a long exciting time. For many they feel as if they just got smoked in the stomach with a sledgehammer. Well to those I tell you to stay away from sledgehammer toting maniacs. Anyway on to the 'loupe.

Tanning

Tanning in the summer is inevitable. You go outside and you tan. Personally I like getting a little tanned. It’s fun and well the sun is harmless. However that brings up to natural problem of tan lines. The only way to prevent tan lines is to not wear anything at all. Well I tried this a couple times and people gave me the oddest reactions. They must’ve been wondering why they hadn’t thought of this idea themselves. Anyway there are other uses for tan lines. So next time you go tanning, cut out a letter or number and place on your skin and don’t move it for a couple hours. It’s like a cheaper version of a tattoo! However there are some spoilsports who say the sun is bad for you and it will kill you. Well there is one invention I came up with that protects you from “harmful” sun rays (one that also doesn’t involve you rubbing harmful cancer-causing chemicals into your skin). I call it the garbage bag with holes cut into it. Take a garbage bag, cut holes for eyes and then put it on. Ta Da! No sun!

Going To The Beach

Bathing suits nowadays are getting very complicated. Well not for me. I still go with the good old fashioned one piece. While girls seem to have so many choices to choose from, guys have shorts or a Speedo. Well I think society is discriminating against males. Why are guys forced to show off our nipples in public? It all seems unfair to me. I think men deserve equal rights! And we should have a nice salad while we discus our new found independence.

Summer Movies

This summer, save money! How? Don’t go see any movies at all. Instead just imagine what the summer blockbusters are like. In fact no producer should be able to beat the power of your mind. So just think up great movies like “Night Of The Living Day” or “The Notorious Racquetball Court”. You won’t miss anything. Oh yes, and just so you won’t miss movies more, go rent Battlefield Earth or A Beautiful Mind and you’ll never wish to see a movie again. And the lineups will be shorter for me.

Did you Notice

I talked about being naked then complained when I had to wear so little clothing. Yeah I'm a hypocrite, but as least I don't say one thing and do another. Or at least I don't know what hypocrite means.

Thought of the Day

If home is where the heart is, isn’t moving kind of like a heart transplant? And also homeless people are also the most heartless people around.

Question of the Day

Not so much a question, but a reminder that since I run low on inspiration at least 2% of the time so hook a brother up with material. Tell me anything related to life or this or Cuba. Whatever.
If you never see me again I got hit by a bus. Probably pushed too, by that no good McKarnikle. Watch him, he’s dangerous
Talk to you sometime later.

Trevor YVR Plett

(Oh yeah, as a devotee of music I feel an obligation to let you all in on what is hot and what is not. Check out my attachment for details)