Remember The Melon

Cantaloupe, The

I haven't given you guys an update lately on Yerov's situation and I'm really sorry about that so...Yeah I apologize.

In The Year 2000....In The Year 2000

By the way for those that don't know, this is a bit Conan O'Brian has been using for years and after 2000 he couldn't just change the name so it basically just refers to the future...okay?

-The Little Engine that Could's success story lessons when he becomes the little engine that could of if he hadn't become a drug addict
-Someone will finally discover a hill in Saskatchewan only to step on it and have ants crawl up his pants
-The newest and greatest Broadway musical turns out to be a colossal failure after Winona Ryder steals the show.
-Tensions in the Middle East are finally ended when both sides agree to drop their weapons, join hands and sing. Unfortunately they did this on a field covered with land mines.
-At the 2004 Summer Olympics people running the marathon event will discover that it in fact isn't a short race.
-Ben Affleck agrees to star in the next Olsen Twins effort tentatively titled "The Worst Movie Ever Made"
That's good enough for today

The Bachelor

Speaking of future events, my brother is getting married in oh....a week and a half. CRAZY! Yes in fact it is tre crazy! Anyway as great as that will be my wedding shall be much funner. I figure it'd be fun to get people who look identical to the bride and groom (aka me and my bride) and get them to do the ceremony up until the point where the minister asks anyone to speak now or forever hold your peace. Then me and my bride would break into the building, tied up with duct tape over our mouths. Then after untied we would tell everyone that these people were deadly fugitives from the law trying to steal our lives. Then when the "criminals" tried to escape we'd become the heroes by taking them down ourselves. That would be superfun, especially if those people weren't real and it happened again another 3 or 4 times until nobody knew who we were anymore.

To the Reader

As a writer, without you the reader I would be nowhere. Okay I'd still be here, but without you I'd uhhhhh.....well actually you suck. Actually you're okay. Anyway I encourage you to keep passing this thing on even though it's not coming out so often anymore. In fact I need you to help me take over the world eventually. But I also need you to give me a mailbag to answer mail from... So instead of one weekly question I present you with three

Question # 1- What is the meaning of life? (Note- Your answer must mention both spatulas and Brad Pitt)
Question # 2- If earth were overpopulated to the extent that nobody could move they were all packed together so tight, what would you do and would diet cola still be awful?
Question # 3- If The Cantaloupe were an employee at a large heartless multi-national corporation, what plans would The Cantaloupe come up with to help the corporation make more cash?

Thank you for your patience and I hope that you all die in about 70 to 90 years.

TreVor "YVR" PleTT

(The Cantaloupe never intended to offend anyone other than people between the ages of 7-86. If you have been offended...you should write your Member of Parliament about it.)