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The Cantaloupe

I don't know how you all liked the stunt I pulled last week. I suspect you loved it, because I loved it. It was a way for me to stick out two newsletters in a week. And it was fun. And let me assure you...I will not quit writing this anytime soon so none of you worry (until April Fool's Day when I'll actually quit but nobody will believe me. haha. or not.) So ha, let's all gather around and thank the Lord for another meal of Cantaloupe.

Societal Deviance

If you've ever watched Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, there's a character who thinks winning is losing and the other way around. "I'm bleeding, therefore making me the victor". Basically they trained him that way as a joke. So you know, I've always wondered...what if we actually did that? We trained kids wrong, just for laughs. I mean sure they'd get picked on, but what if we did it to ALL kids. Each one got something else wrong. I mean then they'd all be abnormal and nobody would get picked on for that reason. One kid we could train him to name all the colours wrong. Green could be pink, white could be fuchsia, black would be peach and so on. We could teach another kid that to express gratitude is to stand up and spin like a ballerina 8 times. C'mon! Wouldn't this be fun! Sure they'd eventually catch on and conform, but hey think of how cute it would be! Speaking of which, if anyone pledges right now they WILL name their kid Yevor (YVR) or Trevor, I will take you for dinner. But you HAVE TO follow through on it, because I have mob connections. I'll clubb-a your knee-a-caps.

Captain's Log Date 86

I asked you recently to provide me something crazy to do and I'll give you another chance. It seems I didn't get a lot of answers and currently I suspect both of my actual responses are too hard to actually do although I'd love to do them. Well anyway...Here's an approximate log of what I did on Saturday.

8:30-I go to McDonald's with my friends Steve and Nolan
8:45-Begin to play game of Krokanole (note-spelling of previous word may be wrong, but whatever). McDonald's employees begin giving us strange looks.
9:20-Girls eating beside us comment on our game
9:35-Play Sequence
10:00-Open up a game of Settlers Of Catan
11:00-Accidently throw out card box with my garbage. Also technical closing of McDonald's.
11:30-Get asked to leave McDonald's, however we're not done our game. Take digital pictures of board and stuff. Find card box in garbage.
11:37-Enter Tim Horton's. Recreate game and finish it. (Note-It is still my belief it took longer to recreate than to finish the game)
1:00-After playing another game, Tim Horton's asks us to leave based on their closing.

Well one night. Two different restaurants kicking us out. Three different games. It wasn't bad. I still think McDonald's is the best board game place in town. Although if anyone wants to try out the other places and tell me how they are...go right ahead.

Oh Those Crazy Laws

Well since I provided an easy question for all of you, you gave me lots of answers. Keep it coming. I know where most of you live. And if not...I can find out! Trust me, I've done it before with people I hardly know. Phonebooks are a helpful resource. So basically reply to me....I need attention. I crave it. I must have it. Or I'll wither and die.

"the most pointless law that should be out there is Everytime a teacher makes eye contact with you you can smack them with a book! Infact, lets make it a bible just for fun lol. Give new meaning to the word bible thumper"-Katie B, Calgary AB
Well I always have believed that people should use their Bibles more. And certainly thumping people with them is the primary use. Another good thing about this theory is that you can very easily skip classes because how would a teacher know you're there without looking at you. Perifferal vision? What's that?

"everybodies msn picture would have to be the picture of my friends dad that looks like cheech"-Krystal W., Cochrane AB
See there's a problem there. I don't have that picture. However that would just make the law funner. I mean think of it, you'd have to follow this person's dad around and snap pictures of them. And since there's like how many million msn users....well you'd think eventually he'd notice and just sit at home, never to show his face again.

"would be the law that all members of parliament- in ottawa or at home- must be law abiding citizens themselves and willing and able to represent the cause and will of the majority"-Bridget F., Edmonton, AB
Well you see this would put our news media out of business and certainly nobody would want that now would we? On this note, I still haven't sent in my voter registration form thingy that I got. Personally I'm a little disappointed. If they don't pay me to vote, what motivation do I have? Now if only we had a Rhino Party member running here.

"It would be that people would have to blink atlest seven times a day. Why because it's pointless, It is pointless because we would have to blink seven time eneyway."-Gordie H., Calgary AB
Speaking of this, this is something completely stupid I could try and do....not blinking seven times in a day. It'd be hard but if you trained hard you could do it. My friend Nolan (the previously mentioned one) once went 3 hours without blinking. Now at that pace over 24 hours you'd blink 6 times. However there's quite a few hours where you don't open your eyes at all and therefore don't blink. But then again, the longest I've gone without blinking is like 20 minutes so....well I'm not good enough.

"a silly, and completely irrelevant law that i would impose would be to designate a mandatory length for shoelaces..and anyone who violates this law would be forced to wear velcro shoes the rest of thier shoe-wearing days!!"-Katelyn M., Somewhere I Shall Not Name
First of all I quoted her exactly, considering the black. Well first of all, i think it'd be funnier if the mandatory shoe lace length was 50 meters long. Think about all the times people would trip over their shoe laces. I mean everyone would get a good laugh. And just as a joke, you'd tie your friend's shoelaces to a moving car...well afterward you'd all have a good laugh! And you could use your shoelaces as a lasso and catch bears! Think of the possibilities.

Remember Perjury is a serious offence

Close your eyes for a sec. Okay they closed now? Well obviously not if you're still reading!!! CLOSE THEM! Fine then! If you don't want to do it, it's your problem. Don't say I didn't try to show you something cool.
Let's try again. This time I believe that I can read your mind. Okay. Think of a number between one and ten. Do it! okay pick another number between 6 and 8. Got it now. Now multiply those numbers together. Okay now divide by half of the number you have now (eg. if your number is 8, divide by half of that which would be 4). Okay now correspond that number to a letter of the alphabet. 1=A, 2=B, 3=C etc. Okay, now think of a fuzzy insect that stings you that starts with that letter, must be only one word long. Okay. Now I shall read your mind. You're thinking of a mouse aren't you? I'm so smart. I win all the time.

Question Of The Week- Well first of all I'd like you all to think of more crazy things for me to do. Post anything that I can do and I'll consider doing it.But Also-"If Yerov the hard-working Russian farmer were to appear in a reality show, what would if be about (describe what happens in the show)"

Today's Last Words

If there was no such thing as conformity, everyone would just be conforming to being different.

YVR / Trevor / Myself

(The Cantaloupe is really awesome. If you want me to become rich, famous and able to lend you money when you're living in a cardboard box you must republish and rebroadcast the Cantaloupe without my expressed written permission, or that of my mother, because maybe one day, I'll become Emperor and you can say "I used to know that guy". Note-Vote for me-Emperor in the year 2045!)