Quality Over Quantity Any Day
The CantaloupeTo all those who read my VH1 Behind the Laughter Special Feature a while back, this is the week I ruin someone's wedding on my drunken rampage and go missing. I can't be wrong with my stories you know. Everything I say is true. Anyway that reminds me, marriage is a crazy thing. I can't even imagine being married. Especially having kids and all. I mean your kids would be like your primary affection. It'd be kinda sad though if one of your kids died. That's why I figure that instead of taking the chance of having a kid die, you should have twins. That way if one dies you can bring out the replacement from the shed. Even better, triplets. I mean that way, you can survive TWO kids dying before you lose the child. It's foolproof.Back to the Old Mailbag to answer a few months old mail"If you were a penguin and you just won the lottery... then a volcano errupted and coke started to flow out of it... and McDonalds closed 30mins late JUST FOR YOU... well where would Nolan swim? And also I'd like to know if he'd be more likely to leave through a door by an exit sign or a door without one."-Stephen C., Calgary, ABWell first of all nobody but Steve and possibly Nolan will get any of this...but oh well. Nolan wouldn't swim at all, he'd stand out in the "rain" on a sunny day. Then he would go in a door with an exit sign, because clearly this is a school thus containing many exit signs. Ahhhh....high school was the golden years of my life. Well....actually the current years ain't that bad either. Anyway on a completely unrelated note I will now tell you a storyThe Story which is completely unrelatedBack in the medieval times there was a brave knight named SirVR. SirVR hailed from the wonderful town of Cantelot. He never had any problems defeating other knights, evil sorcerers, monsters and the like. However one day a dragon flew into his village and began getting inside information on stocks. The next day the dragon bought stock in a company on the rise and sold it just as it was about the plunge to it's fiery death. Soon the villagers came to SirVR crying, "You must rid our town of this evil dragon and his insider trading". So the next day, SirVR confronted the dragonSVR- Please stop your insider tradingMcFrancination (that's the dragon's name)- What are you talking about? I have done no such thingSVR- Really?McF- I'm sureSVR- Well then I've been lied toSo SirVR called all the townsfolk together and said, "I have confronted the dragon and he denied such actions. As a result of your lies, I must now cut off the left leg of every person in town". So SirVR cut all the left legs in town off each person, young and old, male and female. As for McFrancination, he continued his evil insider trading. He gained lots of money of which some was given to the brave knight. And nobody ever complained about wrongdoing to the brave knight again. The town was saved!THE ENDThought of the DayIf an apple a day keeps the doctor away, wouldn't it be safer in case of emergency not to eat an apple?Question of the DayWhy is the Earth flat instead of round?Now with the Cantaloupe having hit new lows for quality I proceed to exit the scene.Trevor YVR Plett(The month of August is National Give Trevor A Present Month. Feel free to give me anything you want. Other than pain. You can take that back)
FW: Curse Of The Cantaloupe
YVR Representing Beautiful People Since 1983>From: "¢å®ø lïm€™" >To: bramnatt6l_48b@msn.com, ardfix@hotmail.com, soccerfreak35@hotmail.com, tatabo11@hotmail.com, asc_supergirl@hotmail.com, babyangel1927@hotmail.com, azn_baller2k@hotmail.com, bestest_sistas_2@hotmail.com, boarder_gurl726@hotmail.com, something_1129@hotmail.com, carolli91@hotmail.com, chrissy_poo_6@hotmail.com, clarissa_samuel@hotmail.com, redragon908@hotmail.com, dawna_girl25@hotmail.com, eddytam92@hotmail.com, eunicechungyeeho@hotmail.com, mousie_333@hotmail.com, silveroasis0109@hotmail.com, happy__gilmore4@hotmail.com, hot_paws91@hotmail.com, i_am_da_devil_6@hotmail.com, little_guy_01@hotmail.com, jamiequest@hotmail.com, jenn_44440@hotmail.com, kitty_kat_475@hotmail.com, jwong_88@msn.com, kirby_twinklystarz310@hotmail.com, pippin_dog@hotmail.com, canadaleyla@hotmail.com, liquid_electricity@hotmail.com, luning_zhou@hotmail.com, madeincanada008@hotmail.com, babyangel_099@hotmail.com, r28791@hotmail.com, meagan938@hotmail.com, monkey_7784@hotmail.com, purplefoam27@hotmail.com, yueqing_w@hotmail.com, hatsy_panda@hotmail.com, shiny_77@hotmail.com, shaunalinda@msn.com, smilyjump_87@hotmail.com, sberendt@hotmail.com, tedisfat111@hotmail.com, zakiya_d007@hotmail.com >Subject: FW: The Curse Of The Cantaloupe>Date: Tue, 13 Jul 2004 13:50:39 -0400
> >From: "Fanny Kung" >To: liquid_electricity@hotmail.com, luv_needs_loyalty@hotmail.com, happy__gilmore4@hotmail.com, pippin_dog@hotmail.com, clarissa_samuel@hotmail.com, shylozlil_twin04@hotmail.com, doggy0314@hotmail.com, luning_zhou@hotmail.com, canadaleyla@hotmail.com, derbee1010@hotmail.com, hyperman1234@hotmail.com, marie882000@hotmail.com, meagan938@hotmail.com >Subject: FW: The Curse Of The Cantaloupe >Date: Tue, 13 Jul 2004 08:09:46 +0000 > >
From: "maggie hui" >To: canadian_babe_107@hotmail.com, moneyalwayshoney@hotmail.com, arieljwiebe@msn.com, babyangel1927@hotmail.com, dance4life91@hotmail.com, funkeymunkey3_5@hotmail.com, jamiequest@hotmail.com, lil_italy5@hotmail.com, doggy0314@hotmail.com, vb_blues@hotmail.com, liquid_electricity@hotmail.com, lil_sandra22@hotmail.com, tulip_june@hotmail.com, shelaina@msn.com, spzrulz@hotmail.com, hui_steph@hotmail.com, tatabo11@hotmail.com, trevor844@hotmail.com, pissant_005@hotmail.com >Subject: FW: The Curse Of The Cantaloupe>Date: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 03:32:07 +0000 > > > > >>
From: "Brooke Fisher" >>To: annoying_brat_4562@yahoo.ca, babyangel_099@hotmail.com, >>doggy0314@hotmail.com, henry_monkey37@yahoo.ca, >>Hyper_chick5490@hotmail.com, jamiequest@hotmail.com, >>luv_needs_loyalty@hotmail.com, manatee_girl_13@hotmail.com, >>moneyalwayshoney@hotmail.com, potbelly90@hotmail.com, >>purplefoam21@hotmail.com, something_1129@hotmail.com, >>spzrulz@hotmail.com, tatabo11@hotmail.com, tulip_june@hotmail.com, >>burningwater001@hotmail.com, kabrulz@hotmail.com, >>spankerhag@hotmail.com, fuzzy_frog_33@hotmail.com >>Subject: FW: The Curse Of The Cantaloupe>>Date: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 18:08:41 -0600
>> >> >> >> >>>From: allyson lund >>>To: shandelle , shontelle drozdiak >>>, alison shaw >>>, Brooke Fisher >>>, cassandra oliva >>>, darren olenik >>>, Jeremy Reimer >>>, kayla kayla >>>, patrick patrick >>> >>>CC: shelby peterson , sterling >>>, cassandra oliva >>>, chantelle hole >>>, deanna kucey >>>, jennifer hudye >>>, jessica morin >>>, jessie jones >>>, Kyle Collins >>>, Micahel Russell >>>, Renee Smith >>> >>>Subject: FW: The Curse Of The Cantaloupe >>>Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 17:30:22 -0400 (EDT)
>>> >>> >>> >>>Note: forwarded message attached. >>>
>>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>>--------------------------------- >>>Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals
From: jaime werenka To: hockey_chick98@hotmail.com, annoying_brat_4562@yahoo.ca, roxy_chicklet_50@hotmail.com, piliszanski4@hotmail.com, billabong_chicklet16@hotmail.com, canada_4_ever_88@hotmail.com, gummiebear_88@hotmail.com, puff_555@hotmail.com, meow_mix05@hotmail.com Subject: FW: The Curse Of The Cantaloupe Sent: den 27 juni 2004 18:25:38 >From: "Kayla Senyk" >To: Berry_Bahry_123@hotmail.com, crazy_bout_dolphins82@hotmail.com, bnjmddn_grl@hotmail.com, nenehappy3000@hotmail.com, fast4good@hotmail.com, sweetjames26@hotmail.com, suckjunk52@yahoo.com, puff_555@hotmail.com, pimpin_it_6969@hotmail.com, ringette_star21@hotmail.com, animal_ark_1@hotmail.com, shel100@telus.net, minikity@hotmail.com >Subject: Curse Of The Cantaloupe >Date: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 20:23:52 -0600THIS IS NOT A JOKE! This is real. Please head it's warning.Late last year a man named Reheboam J. Arthritus was killed while walking to a 7-11 convenience store. Before he died he said "Cursed are those who do not send on forwarded messages". He then threw a Cantaloupe at his murderer, striking him dead. Well soon this email appeared, some say through magic, others say it was written by someone with no life, others that it was written by the prophet of fruit himself. It turns out that those that did not send this message on were killed by cantaloupes within hours of recieving the email. The only way they survived was to forward this message on to 15 people within 2 hours of recieving it. But that's not all.Even worse than dying, all the cattle of those people suddenly turned into parakeets! Yes! That's right! PARAKEETS! And rumour has it that before you die, you get a nasty paper cut! Oh no! And blisters form around your big toe. This is no joke. My brother didn't send this on. He figured it wasn't true and left it. He was in the living room reading a book when he recieved a phone call. It was my father. He told my brother, "Our cattle have been turned into parakeets". My brother was so startled he got a paper cut on his thumb from the book. Later when he was examining his blisters, a cantaloupe fell from the sky and killed him. A curse is upon those who refuse to pass this on. We don't need any more painful slaughter of the children. So either be a martyr and prevent 15 more people from possibly dying or send it to 15 people (including the person who sent it to you, if they are truly your friend, JERK!) and you will live. And also if you really love Jesus you will pass this on, because Jesus is cool and thus you must pass this on because it says Jesus is cool and wouldn't you want people to know Jesus is cool if it were to say such a thing?Sincerely,From Beyond The Grave(The Cantaloupe is in no way endorsing your death except in the natural sense)
The CantaloupeThis week's issue: Summer IdeasSummer for many is a long, boring time. For others it's a long exciting time. For many they feel as if they just got smoked in the stomach with a sledgehammer. Well to those I tell you to stay away from sledgehammer toting maniacs. Anyway on to the 'loupe.TanningTanning in the summer is inevitable. You go outside and you tan. Personally I like getting a little tanned. It’s fun and well the sun is harmless. However that brings up to natural problem of tan lines. The only way to prevent tan lines is to not wear anything at all. Well I tried this a couple times and people gave me the oddest reactions. They must’ve been wondering why they hadn’t thought of this idea themselves. Anyway there are other uses for tan lines. So next time you go tanning, cut out a letter or number and place on your skin and don’t move it for a couple hours. It’s like a cheaper version of a tattoo! However there are some spoilsports who say the sun is bad for you and it will kill you. Well there is one invention I came up with that protects you from “harmful” sun rays (one that also doesn’t involve you rubbing harmful cancer-causing chemicals into your skin). I call it the garbage bag with holes cut into it. Take a garbage bag, cut holes for eyes and then put it on. Ta Da! No sun!Going To The BeachBathing suits nowadays are getting very complicated. Well not for me. I still go with the good old fashioned one piece. While girls seem to have so many choices to choose from, guys have shorts or a Speedo. Well I think society is discriminating against males. Why are guys forced to show off our nipples in public? It all seems unfair to me. I think men deserve equal rights! And we should have a nice salad while we discus our new found independence.
Summer Movies
This summer, save money! How? Don’t go see any movies at all. Instead just imagine what the summer blockbusters are like. In fact no producer should be able to beat the power of your mind. So just think up great movies like “Night Of The Living Day” or “The Notorious Racquetball Court”. You won’t miss anything. Oh yes, and just so you won’t miss movies more, go rent Battlefield Earth or A Beautiful Mind and you’ll never wish to see a movie again. And the lineups will be shorter for me.Did you Notice
I talked about being naked then complained when I had to wear so little clothing. Yeah I'm a hypocrite, but as least I don't say one thing and do another. Or at least I don't know what hypocrite means.Thought of the DayIf home is where the heart is, isn’t moving kind of like a heart transplant? And also homeless people are also the most heartless people around.Question of the DayNot so much a question, but a reminder that since I run low on inspiration at least 2% of the time so hook a brother up with material. Tell me anything related to life or this or Cuba. Whatever.If you never see me again I got hit by a bus. Probably pushed too, by that no good McKarnikle. Watch him, he’s dangerous
Talk to you sometime later. Trevor YVR Plett(Oh yeah, as a devotee of music I feel an obligation to let you all in on what is hot and what is not. Check out my attachment for details)
