Stories From the Depths of Bible College

The Cantaloupe

As you may have noticed being engaged has its ups and downs. One of the downsides is you get far less Cantaloupes as usual, although that could have other reasons as well (busyness). So I needed to get back to the basics and what better way than to tell you some things that have really happened and really occured? Or things that at least were part of my regular life. Or part of my "regular" life. Thus I present to you stories from the depths of the Bible College experience.

Self fulfilling prophecy at its peak

On Mondays and Wednesdays there seems to be a deeply seated desire from some of our parts to go out for lunch. I honestly can not figure out why this is. Lunch to me is the second least important meal of the day. Why would you bother going out to eat it? Whatever.
Anyways, the story goes as follows. The designated spot for this so-called eating ended up being Wendy's. Now while we were standing in line my friend Trevor (just in case you're confused his last name begins with P) tells me to go order a "Wendy's basket". I ask him what that is. He says "exactly". I am game for anything I guess so I go up to the counter and I say "I'd like a Wendy's basket". The lady at the counter is confused and I confess that I'd actually rather have a Spicy Chicken Sandwich in a combo. Disaster averted, but the story doesn't end there.
Lunch has been eaten and we are sitting around doing whatever. Suddenly one of the employees at Wendy's comes to our table with the Wendy's basket! Yes, the Wendy's basket that contains mints. This is all I know, there is no coincidences, I have never seen a Wendy's basket before or after and it came out the day I asked for one.
The moral of the story is that the customer is always right. If only I had asked for the Wendy's briefcase full of money.

Acts of Power

There is a story in the Bible that we were discussing in class one day and I am going to tell you about it. It has amazing relevence to us today. It all started in class when the story of Philip and the Ethopian eunoch came up. Well as the story goes the eunoch was walking around depressed not only by the fact that he couldn't understand Scripture, but also the fact that he had lost his manhood. Philip comes by and pities the poor dude, and he explains the Scriptures and reassures him that in the next life he can have his manhood back.
This of course isn't the point of the story. The point of the story that is of the utmost importance was directly after this, Philip randomly disappears and reappears in another location! Here's the actual quote, "When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord snatched Philip away; and the eunuch no longer saw him, but went on his way rejoicing. But Philip found himself at Azotus, and as he passed through he kept preaching the gospel to all the cities until he came to Caesarea". This was a very cool thing that happened. Christians are supposed to want amazing spiritual gifts, but never before did I realize I could have the spiritual gift of teleportation! Just like Nightcrawler!

The Christian Doctrine of Superpowers (i.e. Mutation)

We have now established that teleportation is possible, but what about other abilities? Let us go straight to the words of Jesus, whom the entire faith is based upon. "And Jesus answered and said to them, 'Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen.'" So just as Jesus caused a fig tree to wither, you could pick up a mountain with your mind and move it! Professor X had some amazing mental abilities, and could move things with his mind, but a mountain? So certainly your abilities would have to include all of his if you were greater. So you see, the gift of telekinesis is another spiritual gift.
Let's look further, Paul was bitten by a poisonous snake without any effects and was stoned without any effects. If there isn't Wolverine references there I don't know what they are. That's some pretty crazy healing.
Elijah called down fire on multiple occasions, clearly an impressive power. Moses did a whole bunch of cool things.
Here's the kicker, Jesus once said to his disciples this message, ""Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do". Now what are some of the things he did, he walked on water, he walked through walls, he controlled the weather (Storm?) and so on.
Thus all Christians have the ability to develop superpowers, whether flying, healing, strength, morphing, or whatever. I'm still holding out on the power that I want to be able to shoot any liquid out of my hands/fingers.

On the superpower track

When we were discussing superpowers, one that came up was Elisha's ability to control animals. There's a story where he goes into this village and a bunch of youth jeered him, so he calls down bears which maul and kill 42 of them.
Basically the moral I came up with is I would never ever want Elisha to work in youth ministry. That simply wouldn't do. When leading a bunch of teenagers, you can't get angry and call bears to attack and kill them. Not the best way to deal with problems really.
I can just picture it. Elisha has a few announcements to make and the youth are being rowdy, well it's not quite as severe, so maybe he calls a herd of big horn sheep to butt the youth into submission. If there's a hyper junior high kid that is getting on Elisha's nerves, maybe he'd call in a woodpecker to come after his knees. Yeah I just don't think he'd last long in ministry.

ANGRY YOUTH PARENT- Didn't the schedule call for Praise & Worship?
ELISHA- Yes, that's what we did
AYP- Is it relatively common for badgers to be involved in this?
ELISHA- The youth weren't taking it seriously enough
AYP- Well now my kid has huge scratches all over his face!
ELISHA- A handy reminder

Either way, I just don't think it'd be his gift.

ANNOUNCEMENT

From the creative mind who brought you the Cantaloupe and curly hair for all, comes a night of comedy and drama called "The Eight Legged Phylange (with Nine Legs)". This wonderful event happens on April 28th at 7:00 p.m. at Abbeydale Christian Fellowship Church (1352 Abbeydale Dr. SE) so come out and enjoy the laughter and fun.
As for cost? None, BUT it is a fundraiser for our youth as we head out to Saskatchewan so those would be appreciated. Thank you.

Oh yes, and a reminder to go and check out the archives of all old Cantaloupe articles at http://thecantaloupe.blogspot.com

Trevor YVR Plett

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