Start Of A Juicier Era

The Cantaloupe

This was once an idea my friend had that I looked forward to. It was a bright light and well it's time to see whether I can do it to the same effect. I will see if I can make this a weekly or bi-monthly (or even yearly) newsletter. Who knows? Do I have the motivation? Possibly. But I'm going to need your help. I need you to send in your rants, your questions for me (I’m great for advice or giving fun bad advice) and whatever you want me to post. If you don't want to keep receiving this from me, well it's Catch 22 time. You have to email ME to get off the list. Or if you want to pass it on to friends do that too. Either way I win big. Anyway why the title? Why the Cantaloupe? Well I could tell you exactly why, but I need to save material for later. As a substitute, here's a dictionary meaning of cantaloupe

can·ta·loupe also can·ta·loup (k n tl- p )n.
1. A variety of melon (Cucumis melo var. reticulatus) having a tan rind with netlike ridges and a sweet fragrant orange flesh.
2. Any of several other related or similar melons.

Down To Business

So yeah here's the point in the newsletter where I will tell you a funny story and make funny comments about life. Well today I'm not going to say anything funny. This is a perfectly unfunny column. The other day I saw a horrible quote that says the average adult laughs 4 times a day. Now one thing I must remember is that for every time I laugh I'm stealing the laughter of someone else. Probably some homeless man somewhere dying of starvation. If you want to be a nice person, hit four and then stop because THE POOR NEED LAUGHTER! Oh well, they're poor. Life sucks anyway. It's not like laughter will help them. It's food they need.Either way I'm into shameless plugs and since nobody is currently paying me money to advertise I'll sell out for free. So go and visit your nearest Ford dealer for great prices on a new F-150! Zero Down, No Payments til 2030!!! You can even pass the payments on to your grandchildren (preferably try and have a lot of them so they can handle your payments).

About Me

I figure since this is the first issue that maybe I should state a little bit about myself. In the future maybe we'll have a feature on other people. Who knows? I mean it's not like I've planned these things out or anything!I was born. I was not wearing any pants when i was born. Later my parents put some pants on me. If it had been my choice I'm sure I wouldn't have had to wear pants. But it wasn't. Later I got bigger pants to wear. Some days I'd take off those pants to shower and such. But each day I would wear pants, well not in the summer because then I'd wear shorts. I began to like certain types of pants and dislike other types. This lead to me wearing the likable pants more. That brings us to the present day. I wear pants most of the time except again to shower and such. Some pants are gold and shiny, others are denim and blue. Some are tight, some are loose, but they are all pants...and if you're not wearing pants, please put some on now!

Final Words/Quote Of the Day

"We'll be safe here. Don't Worry"-Any horror film character before they get brutally massacred
Well let's call this a wrap. Hopefully some of you give me some input so I can relax on my next issue. I hope to have brightened your day a little and if not well....I can use a brighter font colour! Oops too bright. Double oops, not a funny joke. Tune in next time as my newsletter or such will be longer as someone will provide me with some wonderful questions or such that I can answer. Anything is okay from "I don't know what make of truck to buy" or "my girlfriend is actually a termite" or even "Last night I got your face tattooed on my arm". Whatever may amuse me. In fact I'll be quite amused if someone tattoos my face on their arm. I promise that I will take you out for a fancy dinner if you do it. But I'll stop typing now. And start working on the next one.Nitey Nite

YVR (also known as Trevor)

(The Cantaloupe is not copyright anyone, year anytime. If you want to republish, rebroadcast without my expressed written permission, or that of Major League Baseball, go right ahead, because legally I can't do squat)