Lies, Gossip and Melons

The Cantaloupe

If you've ever heard the expression that the third time is the charm, you might immediately think "how does luck/fate know this is my third time?" Well let me tell you...it just does. Anyway this IS my third time (or issue) and for it I thought maybe I could turn on MY charm. Unfortunately I don't know how to turn it on or off, I think it just stays on all the time. But here I go again. I don't even know what I'm getting into. Maybe you do? Can I make you guys laugh forever? Won't I eventually have the obligatory down issue where you say "Trevor, why would you put these things out?" I don't know. Who knows if what I find entertaining myself will be entertaining by your standards. But it's not like you should care. I mean if you guys get something for free that is great, you can't complain when that free thing begins to suck. But lucky for you, those days are not yet here. Why? Because I'm great.

With Less Fan Mail It's Much Easier to Reply to Everything

Finally I'm going to answer the questions you guys sent me after the first week which was oh hardly any. One reader asks "what does Y R V stand for??" Hmmmm....that's a tough one. To answer that I'm going to have to ask Dan...who made up my nickname in the first place.

Trevor- What does Y R V mean?
Dan- Don't you mean Y V R?
Trevor- No I distinctly remember the question, it said Y R V.
Dan- Maybe they want to know what Y R V means
Trevor- That's what I would have guessed
Dan- Yerov maybe?
Trevor- Okay sounds good

So there you have it. It's Yerov, the hard-working Russian farmer. Well good job, Yerov, you had plentiful crops last supper. Now I know it's still hard to feed your twenty-nine kids, but I know you can do it. For all your moral values and convictions I dedicate this issue to Yerov, the hard-working Russian farmer.The other question asked what the best number is. Easy. Pi. It's the tastiest one around. I want Pie! Note-I wouldn't mind actually having more questions to answer, or you could just comment on what I wrote. I don't care, as long as I can use it as material I'm happy.

Clearer Than Clearasil

Now one might ask "Was that a real conversation?" What's real? If by real you mean that conversation very easily could have happened, well it's as real as anything else. To find out what you, the viewer, may think about this I've brought in the typical teenage girl MSN Messenger user.

Trevor-So you're fine with me using quotes that aren't actually real?
TTGMSNMU-sure
Trevor-You're sure you won't fall over backwards and die?
TTGMSNMU-no
TTGMSNMU-lol

There you have it...you as the viewer may fall over backwards and die, but trust me, if Yerov the hard-working Russian farmer were behind you, he would catch you.

The part where I make up a new feature to include

I've decided in the interest of me churning these things out constantly to continue urging reader response. Well on that note I feel like asking you a question and including the best possible responses in a future column. So here it is....

"If you and Trevor (me) were to be trapped in a movie, what kind would it be, what's the plot and how would we go about escaping (or maybe since I'm there, you want to stay forever and not escape)?"I can answer that question myself in a future issue as well. What?? You don't think me and myself could get trapped in a movie together. Well I think it could happen.

Quote of the Week

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer

This is the End (My Only Friend)

Well it had to end sometime. Either that or I'm trying to write today without any inspiration whatsoever that it takes 20 min to find a good sentence. No that isn't the case. Anyway I'd just like to tell you now that if any of you listen to my advice, I'd like to say that I take all blame for it. This is my conspiracy. I will influence you all (to myself, you can't hear me-mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha). By the way Penguins rule! Just in case you didn't know that yet, but it's true. Speaking of which I just opened up a can of material which I will cover in an upcoming issue. Gots to leave something to the imagination if you know what I mean. (hint, hint). Of course I'm hinting about penguins. Anyway have a great week and have a merry Christmas.

YVR / Trevor / Me

(The Canteloupe is not copyright anyone, year anytime. If you want to republish, rebroadcast without my expressed written permission, or that of Major League Baseball, go right ahead, because legally I can't do squat. In fact I encourage you to do so)