This is the writer of The Cantaloupe. He often wears underwear just like everyone else. Just remember that if you dare.

We've Got Stalks and Stalks

The Cantaloupe

When people explode it can be a celebration or a tragedy. It is really up to you. Were they someone quite important to your life? In that case, mourning would be the most appropriate action. On the other hand, if what exploded was a murderer bound to kill every living child on Earth, celebration would be better.
Of course what would be happier yet still is if nobody were to explode except a stupid mannequin which has no life in it at all. Man that would be an event to call home about. You could say, "Hello, is Mom home?.....No, she's out?......Okay, well could you leave a message....Uhhh...I saw a mannequin explode, yeah that's right, a mannequin exploded. Is that not the coolest thing ever?......Okay, you're right, that is cooler.....and that too.....wow, a lot of things are cooler......okay.....fine.......yep.........bye"
But there's two sides to every coin (unless you count the edges, but who would do that?). Some people would still be sad if you exploded a mannequin. For example, what if the mannequin was designed to sell products for a department store. How would they sell products? Then the owner of that store would become sad and maybe he'd go and run over someone's favorite pet hamster. The one that always squeaks, you know, Squeaky?? That would be bad.
But as I said, there's two sides to things. What if that company had a reputation for making rude jokes to 21 year old girls. Then would deserve to fail and have their mannequin explode. Asking girls, "So you're 21, going to out to clubs and partying with the boys?" is not an acceptable business practice. And squeaking is fairly annoying so maybe the family got a better hamster.
On the other hand maybe those girls were actually going out partying and the comment wasn't inappropriate in the first place. So you see, I could go on and no issue would be safe. I could argue as to why nuking the moon would benefit us or why Vanilla Ice was a one hit wonder, things like that.

The Obvious

So recently I got married and it was a wedding that all Cantaloupe readers must have enjoyed (if they were in attendance). Not only was there kissing (one of my personal favorite parts), but also mini trampolining! About three weeks before the wedding I thought "what better way to get onto the stage, but by bouncing there". So I did. And now I have a mini trampoline.
Speaking of mini trampolines, I found this safety tidbit online for the use of mini trampolines. And yes, I wrote it myself.
"The operation of a mini trampoline is not for everyone. Before you jump on one, make sure it is on a stable surface, not placed on the edge of a cliff or on a live grizzly bear. As well watch out for hazards around you (in case you want to jump off) such as pool of molten magma or a large man-eating plant. Finally only one person at a time should be on the mini trampoline, not ten kids and a fat pyromaniac holding a bowling ball."

Creepy is just Ypeerc Backwards

When you get married and move into your own place you often have to get stuff to fill that place up. Melissa and I were on a quest to find a new couch a couple of weeks back and that quest nearly turned scary.
You see we went to a store called "Leon's" where once we walked in there was this guy that came up to us and offered to help us select a couch. He was middle aged, bald (you know with the ring), he had a mustache and was regular height and decently thin. Basically he was every woman's dream physically. I don't quite remember his name, but for our purposes let's call him Philbert.
We told Philbert that we didn't need any help selecting a couch and that we were "fine". Of course that wasn't what Philbert heard, as we shall see later in this story. So we left Philbert there and went in search of the perfect couch. We walked to the back of the store looking at couches, but we couldn't find anything we wanted. It was all stuff that was meant to be purchased by people like Philbert and not younger people. So we started back towards the middle of the store and who was standing but twenty feet away but Philbert! He was undoubtedly looking for a couch himself for his make out sessions (you know since he's a woman's best friend). We walked by him and went to the other end of store to look at couches, but it seemed Philbert was following us the whole way. This was getting a little bit strange. Hopefully he wasn't after my wife, because in that competition I wouldn't have had a chance. So we kept looking and he kept about twenty feet between us and him.
That's when I felt my bladder twitch. I needed to find a washroom. So I walked yet to another part of the store where the washrooms were and entered. I walked to the urinal and I heard a sound. Was it Philbert? No, it was me using the urinal. I finished and washed my hands, still waiting. I walked out of the washroom where to my non surprise Philbert kept guard about twenty feet away. I could take it no longer, I had to leave. I grabbed Melissa and escorted her out of the store without a couch.
This is a true story, don't let Leon's get to you and your children. Stay away, stay far away or they'll take your girl out for fine dining.

Where will Philbert strike next? Stay tuned

Further Marriage Tips

Here's a list of advice for anyone getting married in the next eighty years or so
-If you're a bride and you're about to walk down the aisle, make sure to pick your nose clean before you go in, because you might get the urge up front and there's a lot of eyes watching.
-It might be cute to throw some stupid line into your vows (like "I promise to love you even when you have PMS"), but remember that your significant other can always throw in a cute line of their own like "I don't"
-Find socks to wear that don't have holes in them. Trust me on this one.
-Getting married is tiring and you need sleep so make sure once you get to your hotel to go straight to bed. You see all you have in a hotel room is a TV anyways and there's nothing on late at night, so just get your sleep.

Just remember those things. Goodnight.


Trevor YVR Plett


(Marriage is like a sleepover, only there's less sleep and more making food and cleaning up things)